Can Not Leave
I don’t know how, but I seem to have lost my company ID card. That makes no sense in any world but after 20 minutes searching this AM I gave up. It has to be somewhere. But the upshot for now is that, after sneaking into...
Read MoreMore Combat With a Drain
I’m not getting lucky with the wakeup routines this week. First the kitchen sink spring a leak beyond my ability to fix. The landlord came and fixed it quickly, but not after I spent a morning hauling a very full bucket of...
Read MoreDid I Even?
Bad, restless, sleepless sleep. Woke up asking myself if I really got any sleep at all. No time for dreams. Have a sore throat and do not know why. Slept with mouth open, I suspect. Had trouble with the shower, too. Somehow...
Read MoreFresh Pipe
I should have done a before shot, for which this would be the “after.” Woke on...
Read MoreSoccer ball
Somewhere in Ridgewood a school-aged kid is kicking a soccer ball against a fence. 8 inches beyond that fence is a tombstone, one of thousands at a cemetery that neighbors the playground where the kid kicks the ball. It is an...
Read MoreCoded Message
I told her “I used your POPEYES bag to transport my strawberries to work.” I then added that the statement sounded like some kind of coded messages but really, that is all there was to it. The POPEYES bag she left in...
Read MoreToo Cynical. $101 Is Mine Again
I knew I was being too cynical about it. The system is there, it’s been there for a long time, so it has to have some useful function, right? But it’s the MTA, so cynicism is natural. A few weeks ago my 30-day...
Read MoreAll over terriblelenad
Where is it going? Who needs to know? At work early, as usual, no matter what else wails in my personal life. I made it to the first doctor’s appointment in over a year yesterday. I feel like I’m lying when they take...
Read MoreRemembering
She might be coming to my place tomorrow. I’ve been to her place twice now. She has a beautiful apartment but no couch and the furniture is kind of random. The best place to sit and talk would be the bed, and she invited...
Read Morenever know
Met up yesterday with someone i had not seen in something like 30 years. I guess I can call her an ex-lover, my first in NYC, and my first first, if you know what I mean. I had girlfriends in college but ours was a rather...
Read MoreShower troubles
The new shower accoutrements are a mixed bag. On the one hand, when I sit for the first time there is a cushion there to rest my back on. That is nice. I never laid back like this before, or at least not very often, because of...
Read MoreFeeling bad
Not going to be a fun day. Feeling fibers of my flesh. Slept poorly but with ambitions to the contrary. I think I’ve become adept at relaxing the muscles in my face. That was harder to accomplish thanI expected but I think...
Read MoreJenniCam on Letterman. July 30, 1998
I found this video of Jennifer Ringley’s appearance on the Letterman show hidden away on an unlabeled VHS tape that had been sitting in a drawer probably since the day I recorded it. Better her than me! 🙂 In 1998 I was...
Read MoreUpped my shower game
And I think it’s a win. I got a shower cushion nad I think it fits perfectly. I can lie back in the tub without the cold shock and ongoing discomfort of rubbing my spine against the tub’s cold surface. I mean, this...
Read MoreSlept well
Saturdays it feels like I get the place to myself. The workplace. I don’t, but with few others on board and a general tendency to avoid shitting where you work I get a crystal clean bathroom and kitchen that only I will...
Read MoreSay nothing
A correspondence with a dating site woman has kicked off in the usual stereotypical way. I write two or three complete sentences, she responds with a single word, at most two words. Breadcrumbing, it’s called. I hate it. I...
Read MorePeanut Butter Park
I had a dream in which my sister and her husband announced they were going to a place called Peanut Butter Park. It was an amusement park with a peanut butter theme, something every childhood never knew it needed until now. That...
Read MoreThat’s the way I like to eat it
You didn’t say it. I did. I said everything there was to say about the leafiness, the hardness, the annoying sticker and the goo it leaves behind, needing to be scrubbed off. You cannot eat that apple without payments to...
Read MoreSartorial Twitches
Wearing an ex-girlfriend’s socks, and the underpants of an unknown man. I know how the socks came into my possession but the underpants remain a minor mystery involving misdirected mail opened before checking the recipient...
Read MoreSomeone is trying to tell me something
I don’t know who she is but I hear her voice, deep and raw, slumbering in my head, talking in her sleep. It is the same warnings I hear but cannot understand as they slip and strain through the sounds of an air conditioner...
Read MoreConnection
Something I’ve been afraid to say outloud to myself, for fear of what I do not know, is that I’ve been hopelessly, painfully lonely these past few years. I’ve made new friends, had some interesting/wonderful...
Read MoreThey Watch Me
The only thing anyone does at this company, the only reason anyone shows up and gets paid to be here, is to watch me eat strawberries. I lift each strawberry, one at a time, and bite into it, sometimes ingesting the entirety of...
Read MoreLetter from E. October 7, 2020
Autumn arrived like a brick wall, but I’m getting adjusted. The waning light and cold keep you on your toes, but then, there is also the beautiful slanting light in the trees, the snow on the mountains and the feeling that...
Read MoreBack at Work
As much as I sometimes feel it has squashed my life into a pancake, I cannot lie that it feels safer here at the office than at home. I worked from home for 20 years, almost completely in solitude. It gains on you. It envelopes...
Read MoreAnother Day
I made it through a rough couple of days and nights. I feel fine now. It was scary but I had a friend who cared about me, and that made all the difference. You don’t always know who your friends are, or who they are not. I...
Read More6, 6, and 6
I read yesterday that dating sites and apps have ruined sexuality for a majority of men. I believe it. THe 6, 6, and 6 rules says that the only men getting anywhere on those apps are 6 feet tall and muscularly handsome, have a...
Read MoreAll the Lights Are One
Typically, in this room, lights are on but only half way. Corners are dark but not uninhabitably so. Not like my recent shower-in-total-darkness experiment, which proved fruitless. Lighting all across this floor is strange...
Read MoreRobbed of $101
I have most likely been robbed by the MTA of $101. That’s about how much was left on my 30-day unlimited pass before the card became “damaged.” A Fulton Street MTA rep handed me an envelope with a questionaire...
Read MoreZines in Cabinets
A ‘Zines exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum was enough to make me give the NYPL CulturePass a try. I think you can only use it once a year but it gets you free general admission, which would be $20 in this case, to a number of...
Read MoreStramblin’ Man
Yesterday was mostly midtown, and kind of oppressively so. I felt horrible for oversleep and poor diet. I find myself thinking about the past more than I prefer. Watching videos of myself from 1997, leaving New York and setting...
Read MoreNo more nothing
Have no posted here in a while. No reason for, no reason against. Been watching videos from the old Handycam. Digitizing them. Some of it is hard to swallow. From 1997, mostly. Atlanta. A sorry time of my life. Sorry I ever did...
Read MoreElectrical eccentrical
Lightning fight in the brain. Arriving here I articulate the words “I’m nothing special” even though certain individuals here will look at me with just that shine, an element of glow that knows itself, knows...
Read MoreNo More Strawberries
A pound of strawberries had been my breakfast staple for workdays for most of last year. I think I shall move on from this tiny but beloved ritual. They have become too expensive, the task of transporting them in my already...
Read MoreAlone in the Kitchen
I have to remind myself: I am not a career person. I did not come to this job looking for eternity, retirement, pension. I was told last week that, given my reputation and duration of employment, it is virtually impossible for...
Read MoreStrawberry Weirdness
Who would think the quest for cheap strawberries would send me into a strange place… Typically, I buy strawberries at a local produce stand up the street from me. They’re not always the best quality, but with...
Read MoreShopping Cart
Started a poem yesterday, handwritten, not typed. Feels different that way, even if it should feel familiar. It’s about 3 kids who find a dead dog in a shopping cart on Hoe Avenue, at the Hoe Avenue Garden. It’s...
Read MoreNo Witnesses
I feel lucky no one was around just now to see me panic over not being able to find my bottle of anxiety meds. I was certain they were in the outer pocket my mymulti-pocketed messenger bag. But after ransacking that pocket to...
Read MoreTickertape Man
Yesterday. A craggy, ceaseless, mentally violent series of panics, the likes of which sent me to the MRI chamber only to be to ld my brain was “unremarkable.” I opened this gift of a day by watching soap suds circle...
Read MoreHeadphones
I’ve been listening to music on headphones as if I’m the first person ever to discover that one can be on a subway or walking on a city street oblivious to the surroundings thanks to loud music and noise-cancelling...
Read MoreMeta AI: No Homeless Allowed
I’ve used DALL-E pretty much exclusively for generating random images. It’s fun. The censorship aspect is irritating at times. In certain contexts, you can have homeless men but not homeless women. You will never be...
Read MoreThe sugar box and a doorknob
Today’s downsizing, again relatively modest, saw the disposal of an empty box of “Sugar in the Raw” and a ziploc bag containing the remains of a decimated doorknob. I kept the empty sugar box because I liked...
Read MoreShe was 11-Feet Tall
Sunday was another rain day. I stayed inside most of it. I don’t like being inside a place I’ve been in for something like 25 years. I just renewed another lease. Not happy about that, but should I be? It’s...
Read MoreFilling up
The PBX encountered something I never thought it would. It filled to capacity with .wav files, every last one of them needless and superfluous since I eliminated the “glitch” that was not a glitch. Or did I eliminate...
Read MoreDiet is everything?
Feeling much better this day after the last, which was torturous at times. Felt like I’d been eating tree branches. Innards asunder, ass under. Crazy dreams came from that, reminding me of the one strip I could never...
Read MoreWorking This Day
Working Thanksgiving Day, same as I did last year. Works for me. I’m no fan of holidays. Weird dreams last night. I was in a receiving area adjacent to the Trump Tower. Many of us worked there and knew the grounds but many...
Read MoreI Don’t Know What That Is.
I had a horrible Thursday. Something I ate was not good. Had to be some nasty Sweet Tarts candies, but not the usual kind. Some spinoff of the core product in a pill-like form. Had my stomach feeling like a knot, this days after...
Read MoreSo many things
Have so much on my mind these days, yet so little to show for it. No action. All thought funnels, emptying into an indifferent sky. I don’t want to talk about most of it, but I do write about it offline, for my...
Read More27,252 steps? Is that even possible?
Yesterday I walked, but I don’t see how 27k+ steps is even possible. More importantly, I nearly choked yesterday on a sandwich. It was at the Myrtle/Willoughby G train station in Brooklyn. Nobody around, really, and I had...
Read MoreMt. Vernon
Yesterday I made it up to Mount Vernon West on the Metro North. Nice ride up, a bit of a mess on the return, in between I scoped out (what else?) payphones. I found more than expected. Well, put it another way. I knew there...
Read MoreDST Got Me
I arose at 5am, after lying wide awake since 4:30. Two days ago this would have been an hour later. I made use of the time, but now I am at work earlier than ever. No problem. I encountered the Marathon yesterday. Props to the...
Read MorePRAY? Is That You?
I’d never seen it on a sidewalk before. But yesterday, there it was. Or was it? Scraping...
Read MoreWhere to go
On Wednesday, I went up to the Bronx, to an area which, on one map at least, would have been called Laconia. I had intended to walk from there to Co-Op City but it was cold and I just didn’t feel the joy. The 5 train from...
Read MoreLeading Versus Teva
What an obscure comparison. Like I’m comparing a pharma to a shoe. The only reason I noticed today that the manufacturer of the Lorazepam I take has changed was because the pills are now twice or even 2.5 times the size of...
Read MoreCrazy little thing
Nothing crazy, really. Was watching some porn and the music playing sounded vaguely like “Crazy Little Thing Called Love,” but there was and is nothing crazy to report, I don’t think. I slept poorly. I’ve...
Read MorePayphone Tour Video, and Some Morning Prattle
Some surprises, some failures on this tour of Manhattan’s last publically-accessible pay telephones. Sitting in the break room, by the air conditioner, freezing my ass off, teeth are almost chattering. But I like it. This...
Read MoreReady for Rain
With the first umbrella I can remember ever paying more than $1 for, and with waterproof boots in place, I am ready for the rain. The new umbrella will be bigger than any I’ve ever owned. 53 inches, I think? I will use it...
Read MoreFeeling out of place
Yesterday, as with most days, I started writing a bit of whatever, some mental detritus from the pulpit of solitude, when somehow it all vanished. Several sentences of carefully planned, thought-out, pre-chewed then...
Read More5 Myths About Suicide To Stop Believing | Well+Good
For many, suicide is a heavy and scary topic, and one shrouded in mystery. Learn from experts...
Read MoreEarly as ever
I am not at my usual spot for the morning strawberries and meaningless prattle. All the tables and charis were removed from for use at some event last night. I think it was Family Night, where people brought their kids or...
Read MoreStaying In
Rain is worse than I thought. Waterfalls in subway stations, oh my. I thought it was just going to be steady rain but it’s coming down fast and angry. Maybe not at this moment. Within this office building I am blessedly...
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