![\"Does](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/11\/cartoon-1.jpg?resize=650%2C820&ssl=1\" "\\"Does")
<\/p>\n\t\t\t\tI am up late, remembering how exciting this frozen-cold overnight realm used to be. For years I stayed up until sunrise, working on web things and loving the seclusion, but eventually getting tired of the lack of daylight, the solitude,\u00a0and the constant chasing-of-day.<\/p>\n
I just spotted this cartoon from my old magazines project and thought of me as I like to imagine myself,<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
,though I would consider myself a fl\u00e2neur, not a Bohemian, and a non-slipper-wearing non-smoker regardless.<\/p>\n
I have been rummaging around the tombstones at Calvary again, looking for something that might not quite be there. More on that later (it’s all for fun) but I thought of it a few weeks ago whilst running around that big yard lecturing my friend C. on what is where and whence is whilst. Whilst stomping on century-old graves I described the morning after I fucked a woman I met at a bar, and how disgusted I was with myself, how I was out of my hubris with existentia and mental spiralation. It was the night my father called to “straighten out a few things” (or however he said it) and for as much anxiety as erupted from my spine that night I confronted the reality of the matter by blasting off into bars and cemeteries, staying awake for 36 hours, fucking a bored barfly, swilling rancid wine left overnight in her kitchen, and passing out on the cemetery floor. I found my shoes and took my stuff from her kitchen and rambled off, not sure if I closed the door behind me.<\/p>\n
For a while in 2003 and 2004 I stayed awake\/stayed awake\/stayed awake then I slept\/slept\/slept, no regard for time of day or sunlight or any regularity. It gave me headaches and the shits so bad I had to settle in on some kind of routine, which ended up being the up-’til-sunrise\/sleep-’til-whenever thing. That lasted a couple of years but I vividly remember that morning out at Calvary, feeling like a pig but a confused and frothing pig, a copy of Darkness Visible<\/strong><\/em>, by William Styron, in my ass pocket, this book recommended to me by a long-time friend and correspondent. I had never been at Calvary in the early morning. It was August and already it was 90 degrees and humid as hell. I ran around, running through Section 1 and then Section 4, listening to WFMU through the Treo and landing on the ground at the Alsop Family Cemetery. I fell asleep, probably for no longer than a few minutes, but when I snapped to I had no idea where I was, why I was asleep among 18th-century tombstones, and why a copy of William Styron’s suicide & depression memoir lay on the ground between me and an infant’s grave.<\/p>\n I will never forget that day, though I remember little of it. I thought of that day last week. It was the morning after my father called for the last time. I knew something was up but I did not know what. He had a plan, and soon enough he followed through. I thought of that whilst looking at these and other things at Calvary last week:<\/p>\n I am up late, remembering how exciting this frozen-cold overnight realm used to be. For years I stayed up until sunrise, working on web things and loving the seclusion, but eventually getting tired of the lack of daylight, the solitude,\u00a0and the constant chasing-of-day. I just spotted this cartoon from my old magazines project and thought […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":19312,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1237","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-181-2","et-has-post-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/11\/cartoon-1-1.jpg?fit=650%2C820&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paumAn-jX","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1237","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1237"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1237\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19312"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1237"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1237"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1237"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"Calvary\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/11\/calvary-DSC02556.jpg?resize=650%2C365&ssl=1\" "\\"Calvary\\"")
<\/p>\n![\"Calvary\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/11\/calvary-DSC02542.jpg?resize=650%2C365&ssl=1\" "\\"Calvary\\"")
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"