\t\t\t\ti am a comedian tonight, making myself laugh with a stream-of-segue
\nblossoming of hilarity that makes me want to know if anyone else thinks my
\nhead-only comedy routines are funny, or even if they are comedy. it is an
\nold sequence of events, recounted on these pages at some point: i go to a
\ndentist after many years of no visits. i tell the dentist, “I’m having
\nsome trouble with my teeth.” And then I add that I have not seen a dentist
\nin 10 years. It felt like a Catholic confession. Bless me, doctor, for I
\nhave sinned, it has been 10 years since I had a checkup. The dentist puts
\non his rubber gloves and facemask and says OK, let’s see what we got. He
\nlooks into my mouth for 1 hot second and says “NIIIIIIICE!” All my
\nanxieties quelled I start to laugh. he continues with lectures on his
\nadmiration for my jaw and teeth, saying that I have the perfect mouth, a
\nwork of art, a dental joy. He props my mouth open and goes to the door of
\nthe room, yelling down the hall for his assistants to come and take a
\nlook, “Come on, come see this!” The dental assistants dutifully gather
\naround my gaping mouth and they ooh and aah, they listen to the dentist’s
\nexplanation for what makes mine the perfect mouth. I think I saw one of
\nthem swoon. So I thought I was having trouble with my teeth but evidently
\nI was wrong. No troubles here. This jaw is like a dog’s mouth, a perfectly
\nself-cleaning mechanism. (I am perfect breeding stock, ladies, I am older
\nthan I look but financially secure and emotionally available, wink [this
\nis still a comedy routine]). So I get away from the dentist, laughing at
\nhow he took one look at my gullet and said “NIIIIIIICE.” Then, a few
\nweeks later, I had to see a urologist — BECAUSE I WAS HAVING TROUBLE
\nWITH MY BALLS — and as I entered the urologist’s office I thought of how
\nfunny it would be if I told the guy I was having some trouble with my
\nballs. He’d be all aloof, he’d check his clipboard, and then he’d tell me
\nto drop my pants. I would do so and he’d say “NIIIIIIIIIIIICE!” He’d be
\nall like “I see some gnarly balls in this office but these, these are
\nniiiiiiiice!” So he calls his assistants around, tells them “Come on,
\ngirls, you gotta see these, these are the perfect balls!” Next thing I
\nknow I’m standing there with 5 human beings staring at my balls,
\nmarvelling at their perfection. So the urologist sends me to get some
\ntests done… some testicle tests… and here is where I am too tired to
\nfinish the comedy routine, but the comedy seems reasonably reliable.
\nBalls are always funny. The visit to the testing place, where I actually
\ndid have a sonogram performed on my balls, is a gateway to hilarity. Too
\ntired to tell that portion of the story in this office, at this hour…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
i am a comedian tonight, making myself laugh with a stream-of-segue blossoming of hilarity that makes me want to know if anyone else thinks my head-only comedy routines are funny, or even if they are comedy. it is an old sequence of events, recounted on these pages at some point: i go to a dentist […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1872","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-text","et-doesnt-have-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/saumAn-comedian","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1872","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1872"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1872\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1872"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1872"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1872"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}