\t\t\t\tsome days i feel myself losing my mind. today. tonight. i could not find my keys. my voice, evaporating into a hiss, pleaded with impunity “Where could they be? They have to be here. This is impossible. How did I get into the building? I am here, the keys have to be here, too.” And then I feel the gut clench, and the exorcism of a spiritual miasma. I started imagining far-fetched scenarios in which i left the keys in the lock of the front door. i have, in fact, done this. one time someone kindly rang my doorbell and scurried off. at first i didn’t understand why but then i noticed that the ring of keys was still in the lock, and the passing neighbor just wanted to let me know. nice of him. this time, though, i imagined that if i had left the keys in door, then this could be bad, because the keys were gone. not in the door. i imagined an asshole blogger neighbor seeing the keys in the door, stealinng them, then holding a stethascope to the wall so s\/he could hear my hissing complaints and blog about the hilarity. as exasperated as this half-hour drama was i never seriously imagined that something so strange as that had actually happened.<\/p>\n
the keys finally turned up, or under. they were under a dishrag. i felt stupid, but more sinisterly i felt like my sanity was in the lurch, flailing out there with my sense of reason.<\/p>\n
…..<\/p>\n
the new project is well underway, motivating me to catch up on other projects as well. i ordered some cheap but necessary new gear, and have ideas now for the bigger picture. it’s neat. strange. interesting. a lot of work to go, though. not that i mind. i may have to give up on quarters and start using calling cards or credit cards.<\/p>\n
i was all over LIC today, checking in on old familiar places and getting some decent photos with a trusty shoint & poot camera.<\/p>\n
i am using the android device to type. part of the new project includes the fact that i do not carry the cell phone device around. this is the first time i’ve taken the cell phone out of the apartment all week. i have no relgiosity about this. i have not abruptly chosen to go neo-luddite as some statement — although i do find that cell phonery is generally unneeded — i just like to travel light, and the absence of GPS and useless restaurant reviews has proven to be no loss to me. of course i am newly single, and no one really needs to reach me with any urgency anyway, so the lack of responsibility is something to take advantage of.<\/p>\n
travelling light makes me feel like it’s 1991 again. in those days i carried little more than a few dollars, keys, and that’s about it. today i got by for several hours with keys, dollars, credit cards, and a point & shoot camera. oh, and a pocket full of quarters, for the new project. and i’ve survived just peacably without the cell phone. of course i have limited responsibilities, so i can do this easier than most.<\/p>\n
i think sometimes that i have a philosophical objection to responsibility. that sounds like a tenet of the surrealists, or the fluxists. loathsome responsibility, loathsome professionalism.<\/p>\n
or maybe the Marxists.<\/p>\n
i gotta get my philosophies straightened out.<\/p>\n
i should drive. drive a car somewhere. i got a new laptop that is too heavy to carry, but with wheels and a trunk i could take that phat monster to useful places. i’ve had desires to drive again for a while, but i don’t know if i even remember how to do it. it is a burden. a responsibility. and if i am going to move from point a to b i would really like for someone else to drive.<\/p>\n
someone mentioned cheap flights from LaGuardia to Milwaukee the other day. maybe i’ll go there. payphone hunting in Milwaukee. but i’d have to walk once i get there.<\/p>\n
i wanted to go up to Valhalla, to see Kensico Cemetery, but it looks inhospitable to pedestrians up there. i wrote to the cemetery to ask if they knew which hotels\/motels were within walking distance, but they ignored me. waaah. on account of that i got the boneyard blues.<\/p>\n
thinking of fire. fire from the voice. fire from the gaslight of my emotional oven.<\/p>\n
killer drunk just checked in… thinks this is a gay bar… think i’m his conquest for the night. sort of thing that used to make me ill at east but now i don’t much regard the circumstances.<\/p>\n
i found some exciting payphones today. well, not found. they are not new to me. but they seemed exciting today. they work, for one thing, and that’s always a thrill ride into the boxy sound of the landline.<\/p>\n
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some days i feel myself losing my mind. today. tonight. i could not find my keys. my voice, evaporating into a hiss, pleaded with impunity “Where could they be? They have to be here. This is impossible. How did I get into the building? I am here, the keys have to be here, too.” And […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1880","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-text","et-doesnt-have-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paumAn-uk","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1880","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1880"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1880\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1880"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1880"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1880"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}