{"id":26028,"date":"2020-09-25T23:11:46","date_gmt":"2020-09-26T03:11:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/?p=26028"},"modified":"2020-09-25T23:11:46","modified_gmt":"2020-09-26T03:11:46","slug":"penis-facemasks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/2020\/09\/25\/penis-facemasks.html","title":{"rendered":"Penis Facemasks?"},"content":{"rendered":"

At the grocery store tonight I heard the cashier say to me: “I love your penis masks.”<\/p>\n

Momentarily startled I asked myself “What the hell is on my face?”<\/p>\n

I quickly realized the cashier’s mask had muffled her words.<\/p>\n

She, of course, said “Peanuts masks,” and went on to say how she’d noticed every time she sees me in the store I’m “wearing a different penis mask.” It still sounded like she was saying that.<\/p>\n

I replied that I was happy she liked them, clumsily adding something about wearing a Schroeder mask because I’m a penist… I mean pianist.<\/p>\n

I left the store asking a question to which I didn’t really need an answer: Do penis facemasks exist?<\/em><\/p>\n

Of course they do. A quick search at mask central, Etsy, turned up 1,000 more results for penis masks<\/a> than Peanuts<\/a>. There is also a vulva mask<\/a>, and a bunch of vagina masks<\/a>. The anus, breasts, and testicles do not represent much in the facemask market.<\/p>\n

Not a single result for “payphone facemask<\/a>” at Etsy but FineArtAmerica<\/a>, of all outlets, has a few. None look like anything I’d want to wear.<\/p>\n

\"Schroeder

Schroeder Penis Facemask<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

At the grocery store tonight I heard the cashier say to me: “I love your penis masks.” Momentarily startled I asked myself “What the hell is on my face?” I quickly realized the cashier’s mask had muffled her words. She, of course, said “Peanuts masks,” and went on to say how she’d noticed every time […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":26029,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Penis Facemasks?","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26028","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-181-2","et-has-post-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/Schroeder-Penis-Facemask-20200925_211710-scaled.jpg?fit=2560%2C1920&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paumAn-6LO","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26028","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26028"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26028\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26031,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26028\/revisions\/26031"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/26029"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26028"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26028"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26028"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}