{"id":27796,"date":"2021-04-21T22:01:38","date_gmt":"2021-04-22T02:01:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/?p=27796"},"modified":"2021-10-28T16:50:03","modified_gmt":"2021-10-28T20:50:03","slug":"chat-with-a-friend-i-was-the-first-person-she-ever-met-in-the-flesh-from-the-internet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/2021\/04\/21\/chat-with-a-friend-i-was-the-first-person-she-ever-met-in-the-flesh-from-the-internet.html","title":{"rendered":"Chat With a Friend. I was the First Person She Ever Met in the Flesh From the Internet"},"content":{"rendered":"<pre>\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:20:36 AM): how would you describe yourself in 3 words?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:25:57 AM): thir teen inches\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:26:35 AM): how many payphones have you answered?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:26:48 AM): this week?\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:26:51 AM): yeah\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:26:56 AM): they don't ring any more\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:27:01 AM): few do\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:27:13 AM): did this cause you depression for lack of things to do?\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:27:27 AM): i visited your site earlier and looked at <a target=\"_top\" href=\"https:\/\/sorabji.com\/pipes\" rel=\"noopener\">all the pipes<\/a>\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:27:35 AM): very phallic\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:27:44 AM): no, it had the opposite effect. fewer payphones = easier focus\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:28:16 AM): i almost read your <a target=\"_top\" href=\"https:\/\/sorabji.com\/mylife\" rel=\"noopener\">11 yr old essay<\/a> but stopeed my self\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:28:19 AM): well, yeah. they're bent penises. any other New York Times insights?? :-P\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:28:34 AM): what stopped you?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:28:51 AM): i have so much new stuff to post\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:28:53 AM): why is that what the nyt said about them?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:28:56 AM): stuff since after i was 11\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:29:06 AM): i was trying to describe you to my sister who is visiting\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:29:11 AM): it wasnt easy\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:29:23 AM): thir teen inches was not what i was thinking tho, \r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:29:26 AM): <a target=\"_top\" href=\"https:\/\/sorabji.com\/pipes\" rel=\"noopener\">pipes<\/a> and <a target=\"_top\" href=\"https:\/\/www.payphone-project.com\/\" rel=\"noopener\">payphones<\/a>, that's all there is\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:29:31 AM): since i know its really th re e\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:29:37 AM): how would you knopw\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:29:55 AM): esp\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:30:06 AM): i told someone today my whole life is work, practice, eat, shit, drink, rinse lather repeat\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:30:23 AM): hooray for not having to work too hard\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:30:47 AM): so tell you sister that\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:30:52 AM): but leave out the shitting part\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:30:54 AM): she is reading over my shoulder\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:30:57 AM): gentlemen don't shit\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:30:59 AM): lol\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:31:03 AM): hah\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:31:11 AM): ladies dont fart my sister says\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:31:17 AM): i've heard that\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:31:34 AM): youve heard a woman farting?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:31:38 AM): if you're at a friend's place and you ask to fart you are so busted\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:31:41 AM): actually i have\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:31:45 AM): melissa farted here once\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:31:49 AM): noxious\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:31:56 AM): crunchy, too\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:32:02 AM): do u run to the bathroom when you are with a girl and you have to fart?\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:32:07 AM): or do u just let it all out\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:32:19 AM): i wait  a few days\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:32:27 AM): and blow up?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:32:30 AM): not yet\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:32:36 AM): how is your gall stones?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:32:46 AM): kind of getting me down today\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:32:55 AM): have you gone to the dr et?\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:32:57 AM): yet?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:32:58 AM): it's getting sore up into back of my neck\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:33:04 AM): the dret?\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:33:10 AM): where is your gaul bladder?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:33:13 AM): no\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:33:20 AM): it's in my safe deposit box\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:33:23 AM): at the bank\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:33:26 AM): your a fucking asshole\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:33:34 AM): near your po box?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:33:39 AM): right side under the rib cage\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:33:46 AM): how often do u visit the po box?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:33:49 AM): you know about po box 181?\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:33:53 AM): why would your neck hurt?\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:34:02 AM): yes i also know about the maniquin police officer\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:34:04 AM): idunno, ask webmd\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:34:13 AM): you need to go to the dr mark\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:34:13 AM): hey, that was well worth the 3 hour drive\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:34:23 AM): who's Dr. Mark?\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:34:28 AM): shut up ass\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:34:36 AM): why would your neck hurt?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:34:40 AM): 3 hours each way i might add\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:34:51 AM): maybe you are hallucinating from beer\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:34:53 AM): because it does. that's the nerve connection thing.\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:35:04 AM): did you go all the way there just to see the maniquin?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:35:06 AM): it's what the medical dictionaries say happens\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:35:09 AM): you should be in that movie\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:35:09 AM): i did\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:35:14 AM): i bet you fucked the maniquin\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:35:18 AM): in the ass\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:35:23 AM): with a condom?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:35:24 AM): donkey style\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:35:32 AM): what is donkey style?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:35:38 AM): ask the mannequin\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:35:41 AM): your a classy guy\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:35:47 AM): what is your picture of the day?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:35:51 AM): i fixed the mannequin up with the buffalo butt\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:35:51 AM): and why do they all change\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:36:10 AM): i have a new picture for tuesday\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:36:18 AM): why do they change?\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:36:21 AM): is it really the picture of the day when they change every time you visit the site?\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:36:25 AM): in the same day or hour\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:36:25 AM): are they supposed to stay the same?\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:36:31 AM): i think youre lying\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:36:39 AM): oh, the top page is random from a few thousand pictures\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:36:48 AM): its the picture of the moment not the picure of the day\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:36:49 AM): thought you meant the Big Pictures\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:36:54 AM): oh \r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:36:56 AM): i dont kno\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:36:58 AM): whatever\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:37:03 AM): those start from '97\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:37:06 AM): you never did see that pipe in bed stuy\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:37:09 AM): i think youre scared\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:37:20 AM): i'm going to the Stadium tomorrow night\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:37:34 AM): nice\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:37:35 AM): there are pipes everywhere\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:37:36 AM): im going to seattle\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:37:43 AM): at the stadium?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:37:47 AM): why travel 100 miles to bed stuy to see a pipe?\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:38:01 AM): b.c it is a dope ass pipe no pun intended\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:38:03 AM): your scared\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:38:05 AM): pipes up my butt, pipes up your butt... pipes everywhere!\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:38:20 AM): i have no response to that\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:38:24 AM): damn\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:38:28 AM): youre a fucking freak tho\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:38:39 AM): have i told you about my recent idea?\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:38:39 AM): i think my sister now has a complete idea of the man you are\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:38:42 AM): no\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:38:48 AM): ok\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:38:53 AM): i want to live forever\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:38:53 AM): what is it?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:38:54 AM): so\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:38:59 AM): how will you do this?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:39:01 AM): i'm going to sell my identity\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:39:11 AM): either publicly or on some kind of black market\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:39:13 AM): yes you did but go on for my sisters sake\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:39:23 AM): the idea's evolved\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:39:38 AM): fingerprints, SS#, dental records\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:39:49 AM): b.c what else does a guy have to do that sits around all day with beer and gaul stones?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:39:56 AM): i want to be the token person for every new trend in identity theft\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:40:02 AM): GALL\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:40:20 AM): can u send me a picture of you\/>\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:40:27 AM): so when they figure out how to steal finger prints i want me to be the first person whose identity gets used\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:40:35 AM): nice\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:40:48 AM): every year or so my name will flow through the credit bureaus\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:40:54 AM): but what will you do with the profits when youre already dead?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:40:57 AM): and through the papers\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:41:06 AM): you will live forever on google\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:41:10 AM): my identity is for sale to me and me only\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:41:26 AM): nice\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:41:37 AM): well, yeah, but google is... ah never mind. search engines come and go\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:41:52 AM): why do you post your reciepts?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:42:07 AM): http:\/\/www.sorabji.com\/cam\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:42:42 AM): it's meant ot be an unbiased statement about the decisions i make in a day\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:42:59 AM): or in a week\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:43:29 AM): a stately account of the mental furniture with which i surround myself\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:43:33 AM): i like picture 1\/06\/05 03:04:51\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:43:44 AM): furniture being food, electronics, pornography\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:44:03 AM): my sister says you would be hot if you got new glasses\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:44:16 AM): but not in that picture\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:44:27 AM): i look so sad in that one\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:44:37 AM): you look scared\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:44:43 AM): b.c youre thinking about bed sty\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:44:52 AM): i wear daytona beach t-shirts for a good reason\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:44:58 AM): i'll have you know\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:45:28 AM): and it's not because i spring break there\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:45:39 AM): i do need new glasses\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:45:46 AM): i'm getting health insurance next month\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:45:46 AM): why then?\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:45:50 AM): great\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:45:50 AM): if i don't die first\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:45:52 AM): why not now?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:46:02 AM): my dad lives in DB\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:46:10 AM): and i stand to inherit some real estate there\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:46:12 AM): maybe\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:46:13 AM): nice\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:46:18 AM): can i visit?\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:46:26 AM): i don't think you'd want to\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:46:37 AM): hey your icon on your IM looks like that face your making in the picture\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:46:38 AM): have you been there?\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:46:40 AM): yeah\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:46:44 AM): the place is a pithole\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:46:52 AM): yeah but there is a beach\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:46:58 AM): pretty good beach, too\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:47:05 AM): and new resorts and stuff\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:47:20 AM): they're trying to make it attractive to white people\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:47:36 AM): when we scroll up to the top of the page with your pictures you are animated\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:47:39 AM): and non-bikers\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:47:49 AM): STOP SCROLLING!!\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:48:02 AM): its funny you should try it\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:48:04 AM): that's disgusting when you just start scrolling in the middle of a conversation like that\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:48:58 AM): k im going to bed then seattle tomorrow\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:49:09 AM): don't miss me too much\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:49:20 AM): have a nice couple of weeks if i dont talk to u, go yanks, and lets have a drink upon my return you freak\r\nsorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:49:31 AM): ok, scroller\r\nkr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:49:35 AM): lates\r\nkr-@-jh signed off at 1:49:47 AM. \r\n<\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>kr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:20:36 AM): how would you describe yourself in 3 words? sorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:25:57 AM): thir teen inches kr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:26:35 AM): how many payphones have you answered? sorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:26:48 AM): this week? kr-@-jh (7\/26\/2005 1:26:51 AM): yeah sorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:26:56 AM): they don&#8217;t ring any more sorabji (7\/26\/2005 1:27:01 AM): few do [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[9,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-27796","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-digital-hoarding","category-flashback","et-doesnt-have-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paumAn-7ek","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27796","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=27796"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27796\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":29900,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27796\/revisions\/29900"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=27796"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=27796"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=27796"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}