Finally finished arguing with myself about what happened to the mustard. At this point it seems I’ll never know. Somehow, in the last 48 hours, a bottle of mustard purchased just a couple of weeks ago vanished. That makes no sense. It is not in the trash or in my messenger bag, and I cannot fathom a scenario in which it would have ended up in the latter.<\/p>\n
But the conversation with myself turned hairy.\u00a0Where the hell did the mustard go? How did it just vanish? Where the hell is the mustard?<\/em><\/p>\n This morphed into more conciliatory sentiments.\u00a0You don’t even like mustard anymore. Get some fucking mayonnaise. You’ll be happier with mayonnaise<\/em>.<\/p>\n I procured a small container of mayonnaise, not willing to invest in a larger bottle until I am certain I am ready for the transition, nay the outright switcheroo from mustard to mayonnaise. Mustard has been in my life for a long time now. I cannot just kick it out without proper consideration, research, and analysis.<\/p>\n Without any mustard (or mayonnaise) in the fridge I assumed I would be able to find at least one mayonnaise packet left over from food delivery. I failed in this search, remembering that I had used the last of those packets on a very dry turkey wrap just last week. I also discarded a quantity of mayo packets when I could not determine their age, though I’ve never seen a mayo packet with an expiration date printed on it.<\/p>\n My new boots feel a little awkward but I’ll get used to them. Walking around with shoes not riddled with holes on the bottoms felt powerful. I walked like a conqueror, unafraid of stepping onto shallow pools of water or crackly surfaces.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Finally finished arguing with myself about what happened to the mustard. At this point it seems I’ll never know. Somehow, in the last 48 hours, a bottle of mustard purchased just a couple of weeks ago vanished. That makes no sense. It is not in the trash or in my messenger bag, and I cannot […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-29017","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-181-2","et-doesnt-have-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/saumAn-mustard","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29017","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=29017"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29017\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":29018,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29017\/revisions\/29018"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=29017"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=29017"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=29017"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}I GOT NEW BOOTS.<\/h1>\n