Something I’ve been afraid to say outloud to myself, for fear of what I do not know, is that I’ve been hopelessly, painfully lonely these past few years. I’ve made new friends, had some interesting\/wonderful women pass through, but that doesn’t seem to help, as they are far away either physically or spiritually. I can, of course, blame myself. I’m kind of a mysanthrope with too-high standards when it comes to companionship and sharing. I compensate for that by oversharing online and wherever else. I waste energy and industry on the black holes of dating apps, where even perfection itself is never good enough. I also let myself drown in oblivion at the workplace. I have an unhealthy relationship with rank, and seniority. After 2 years here I still feel new, and this makes me feel like a child. Truth be told, they really do treat growed-ass adults here like children. But I would feel like a child regardless, because I still feel new. I also feel like this is a job I could walk out of at any time without looking back. On the other hand I go through the motions of appearing to desire upward movement in the org chart. To me that seems like a natural path to take at any job with growth potential, but here I find that I am almost alone in that outlook. Folks here love their dead end jobs and want to keep it that way. I totally get it. Being in management sucks. Having reports sucks. Being the boss doesn’t ‘have to suck but it almost always does. Long story short, I made a connection last night with another human, and it felt good. It felt real, and unexpected. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Something I’ve been afraid to say outloud to myself, for fear of what I do not know, is that I’ve been hopelessly, painfully lonely these past few years. I’ve made new friends, had some interesting\/wonderful women pass through, but that doesn’t seem to help, as they are far away either physically or spiritually. I can, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-34925","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-text","et-doesnt-have-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paumAn-95j","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34925","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=34925"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34925\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=34925"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=34925"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=34925"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}