Caused my commute to terminate at Canal Street when I was already running late (by my sstandards being less than an hour early is late). It should not have such an effect on me but I am shaking and took another 1mg of the panic pill to settle down. Waited what felt like a very long time for an R train, which gets me to the exact same spot as the W would have, but the disruption caused me more agita than expected. I didn’t think this kind of shit happened anymore. I also had issues with breakfast and a gift card I thought had $15 on it but it only had $3.27. I only just happened to have cash on hand to cover the difference, though I guess the palce would have taken credit card. I don’t know. I feel agitated and unsoothable. Went from feeling good to not wanting to be alive. I felt fine. Good, even. I keep feeling it rise up. A bitterness. Is it salvable? An ugliness, blackening itself with common dismay. I’ve stopped shaking so uch, at least. I hope the sick passenger at Whitehall is doing better. This matter of redirecting or cancelling subway lines for sick passengers is relatively new to the MTA. I want something to make me happy. I want happiness. I am feed up with depression and permanent disdain for myself. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Caused my commute to terminate at Canal Street when I was already running late (by my sstandards being less than an hour early is late). It should not have such an effect on me but I am shaking and took another 1mg of the panic pill to settle down. Waited what felt like a very […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-45302","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-text","et-doesnt-have-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paumAn-bMG","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45302","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=45302"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45302\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=45302"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=45302"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=45302"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}