Immediate and I mean instantaneous accumulation of last thoughts\/final thoughts\/regrets occurred yesterday. On Sundays it’s become a thing that I have basically the entire floor of a Lower Manhattan\/FiDi office building all to myself. I like working among other people but in this case I also look forward to the relative serenity. So it was a supremely rude awakening when every alarm and siren in the building suddenly started blasting off, loud and extremely irritating to my visual and emotional senses. Without articulating the details to myself it all snotted up at once that we were being attacked and this seemingly vast office space I occupied suddenly felt very tiny, even claustrophobic as the ceiling looked like it had no reason to remain above my head. There are a couple of other people who occupy that office floor on Sundays way on the south side but they knew nothing. No one was in charge, no explanation ever came, and the sirens finally stopped only to start up again, off and on, which was actually worse than just letting them blare and glare and noisify indefinitely. It was about a \u00bd hour after all the noise and flashing lights stopped that I realized how tight my chest had become and my hands were shaking. I had taken anxiety meds earlier and have to believe they prevented things from being a lot worse but I did not take additional meds in the wake of this. I don’t like to overdo it with that stuff. Probably two hours passed before anything in my head and body seemed normal again. At the end of the day I made a possibly tasteless comment to one of those other people on the other side of the building. She proposed that it was just bad wiring. I said it was the terrorists. She cracked a brittle frown and said nothing. With no explanation from anyone in charge either of us could have been right. But when the sirens start wailing in Lower Manhattan and nobody can provide any kind of explanation you cannot help but have thoughts, regardless if you are willing to articulate them. I don’t have a problem with joking about it in the way I did, after the fact when the coast was clear. But I should be more careful in recognizing that others find no humor in such things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am at the library this early afternoon. I have the week off and this likely means I will not accomplish any of the ambitious goals I always set when I do not have to waste my days at the job that does not pay a living wage. I like the job and have attempted to find part-time anything to make up for the debt that it has put me in but most job postings are fake and the only contact I’ve had in the past weeks was from some midtown scam outfit that reaches out to people who never applied for a job at their company. There are a lot of jobs I’d like to take a crack at, not just for funds but for fun. But all I get are ghosts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’ve been attempting to declutter but as always the effort just seems to create more clutter. One of my ambitious goals with each span of time away from the job is that I will scan the bags full of paper materials I’ve been meaning to scan for what feels like a generation. The clutter on my desk prevents this, or so my lazy-ass mind lets me believe. It is hard to find space for the ADF scanner on the desk at this moment but in the past I’ve had the heroics to make it happen. Not anymore, and I don’t know why save for the fact that I do not like working at home. After 20 years of doing that I think I’m entitled to this sentiment. But things have to get done, I guess. When I had a woman in my life for much of last year I kept the place pretty tidy. She, an almost obsessive clean freak, approved heartily of the lived in feel of the place. But now it’s like a tornado blew through. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
One reason it’s become harder to get rid of things is because places like Salvation Army haved closed. Today I unloaded a small bag full of old Snoopy t-shirts by leaving them at the community refrigerator. In the past I remember dropping boatloads of stuff at the Salvation Army but there’s not really any easy way to do that now. The old Hour Children shop moved to Steinway Street and became something quite different from its previous iteration. The other Hour Children on 36th Avenue does not accept anything I would want to donate. Boo-fucking-hoo, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have to eat a sandwich, or something.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Immediate and I mean instantaneous accumulation of last thoughts\/final thoughts\/regrets occurred yesterday. On Sundays it’s become a thing that I have basically the entire floor of a Lower Manhattan\/FiDi office building all to myself. I like working among other people but in this case I also look forward to the relative serenity. So it was […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-47362","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-text","et-doesnt-have-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/saumAn-rubicon","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47362","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=47362"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47362\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=47362"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=47362"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=47362"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}