\t\t\t\tAt a midtown Panera, after a therapy session that went smoothly enough, temperament wise. I feel like a zombie. I recognize that I am wallowing in this matter to excess, but feeling like I barely deserve to exist is weighing on me. It is not that I was an accident. I don’t think I was, even though I was born when mother was considered too old for childbirth. I just think that being born to two people who, in another generation, would not have willingly procreated, is a sadness-inducing conclusion.I talked some about my friend Dave, who grew up in NYC foster care programs, a true and complete orphan with no desire to know who his paretns are or were. I am not an orphan but I identify with Dave, and found that he made perfect sene to me when I learned he had grown up as an orphan. Everything about his having no safety net or fallback in life made sense when I knew he had no family.<\/p>\n
She looked at me calmly as I explained that I do not feel like I exist, and that consciousness is an illusion, an unprovable concept, something that at best materializes as a group force. She asked if I am one of those super smart people. I said I don’t know but that my mother was off the charts smart.<\/p>\n
I feel tired and dreary, but peaceful. I was up before 9 today, which is a new thing for me. The days are longer but they seem to fly by just as fast as when I wake at 2pm.<\/p>\n
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…<\/p>\n
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At a midtown Panera, after a therapy session that went smoothly enough, temperament wise. I feel like a zombie. I recognize that I am wallowing in this matter to excess, but feeling like I barely deserve to exist is weighing on me. It is not that I was an accident. I don’t think I was, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5388","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-image","et-doesnt-have-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/saumAn-zzzzzzzz","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5388","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5388"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5388\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5388"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5388"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wsbj.com\/sorabji\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5388"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}