At the NYPL Business Library, coming down from a simultaneous pair of mental highs. Caffeine and post-therapist exhilaration. Listening to piano music of Christian Sinding on the Spotify. Lounging in one of these crazy decadent Aeron chairs, which i happened to see listed for sale yesterday for about $700, same as when I had one at corporate. For $700 you get prompt and no-questions-asked repair service from an Aeron technician, and you will need that because these chairs crap out constantly. Or mine did, at least.<\/p>\n
Now listening to Sinding’s Third Symphony. It’s busy. Reminds me of Respighi.<\/p>\n
Therapist and I spoke of stuff today, as we always do. I need to find focus. Something to do which suits me, which is of me. I should find a talent agent or manager or something such as that, someone who can evaluate everything I have and tell me what will click with the wider world. I thought about teaching piano again, to adults or teenagers. That would work, I think. I like talking about piano music and piano playing, that is for certain, though I know of and for years have known of no one who shares that interest to the degree that I would want to explore.<\/p>\n
Sinding actually sounded like Wagner for a second there, like the opening of “Rheingold”. Now he sounds like Sibelius, that lumbering buildup to the end of the first movement of his First Symphony.<\/p>\n
I walked here today. Roughly two hours direct from AsLIC. Maybe now I will sleep tonight. i have not slept for shit in days. I tried an anxiety pill last night but it was no good. Remembering now how I took to sleeping pills before turning to booze. I was taking 2 pills a night, waking up 5 or 6 hours later, then taking another pill. This was Sominex type stuff in college but later I would get prescription Ambien and the same shit happened. That stuff put me out but not for long enough, and waking felt as if the sleeping experience had been a foreign travel ordeal. An unnatural clobbering of brain scatter. Was telling the shrink how I never slept in high school. Obviously I did or I would be dead but from Monday to Friday I remember long hours awake, lying in bed, listening to the trains whistling in the distance. I once noticed a train came at 9:42 three nights in a row, right on the dot. I remember thinking this would give me frame of reference, something to ease my mind, something to remind me that the world turns at its own pace and I should find a wave on which to ride its ocean of perpetuity.<\/p>\n
The 9:42 ne’er whistled again. Trains came and went but never at 9:42. Not on the dot.<\/p>\n
The dot remains.<\/p>\n
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