“You have a nice life” was the seemingly impromptu but evidently
long-planned reprise to tonight’s last full conversation.
i guess i do embody my philosophical goal of lack of responsibility, which
is different from irresponsibility. i think responsibility is a vacuum
cleaner of independence and individuality, but others regard it as a
prestige factor, or a badge.
but does that make my life “nice”?
now that i think of it, maybe it does. hell yeah. nice life, nice life.
…..
i went to the small hall at Carnegie Hall tonight, to see a concert in
honor of a friend who died 10 years ago. a similar concert was held soon
after he died, but i missed it completely. that earlier concert seemed to
have attracted every luminary in the musical world of the day. this
concert drew me and about 100 others. kind of a strange event, but
sincere.
i re-encountered my inability breathe right in these concert halls. the
lgiths are bright and hot, and if i am too close to the stage i feel
claustrophobic. i had to dip into breathing exercies at first, but after
the concert started and the air conditioning was turned on i felt fine. at
first the old hall felt stuffy and a little ornery in its air. but i guess
they don’t turn on the a/c until the music starts. not so opulent on that
basis, and not a real sparkling little hall to begin with, but i made it
all the way through the event without my eyes welling up too much — and
that’s not on account of any sadness, but on account of the air in there.
the chandeliers are nice in there.
