I might do more of this today. Typing. Writing into a space unrelated to the job I am being paid to do. I almost never do that. I do it here, in the pre-work hours. People here do not like me. I don’t have a problem with that. I’ve been disliked by people since grade 1. Actually I think the only time and place where I was not disliked was grade 2, at the public elementary school I attended for one year before going to the private school. But that was the exception. In this situation, at this current job, people don’t like me because I’m not very sociable. This is deliberate and very much according to my original plan when I got this job. No one here needs to know anything about my sometimes ridiculous past. Some conversations have veered toward personal revelation and I always back off, back away. No one needs to read this website or know about the others. Most of them would not care about it anyway but some would and it could be problematic. I’ve managed to avoid the toxic people but the truly disappointing thing about this place is that I actually did want to make friends here. I just do not connect with anybody here. I tried to get things going with a few people but it just fizzled out. Making friends was easiest in school and at the bar. I don’t do bars anymore. I try my luck at the circling the drain of dating apps and the like, but I am basically invisible there. I have an account on one of the sex sites but all the attentions I appear to get are from fakes and AI slop.
PEAR STEMS
From the sometimes desperate terrain of boredom at this job I’ve developed a hobby to keep myself grounded, and to feel like I have a presence here. In darker recesses of the walls, where lighting is low and attentions are unlikely to linger, I deposited stems from the pears I eat at my desk. The walls are paneled with large tiles that have space between them, less than a quarter inch high and maybe 8 or 9 feet long. In certain of these spaces between the large tiles I stash pear stems. At present I believe I’ve placed 5 stems in spots at which few are likely ever to glance or let their attentions linger. I actually started doing this early in my tenure here but I always seemed to choose spots where the stems would be disturbed or unintentionally swiped away. Now I focus on darker corners and crevices where activity such as taking off or putting on a winter coat is unlikely to occur, and where attention to irregularities in the walls’ narrow spaces is unlikely to be given. I make my daily constitutionals around the office each day and I check on my stem pears, reasonably certain that only I know of their existence.
