Category: Text

Catcalls

She gets them. Sometimes they are vulgar. What am I saying… they are always vulgar. She is not fine with it but nothing can really be done. The people who shout at her scramble off, or else they are obviously disturbed or...

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Happiness

She uses the word a lot, in various forms. “I’m happy” “Happiness.” “Happyhappy.” Cooking for me and feeding me makes her happy. My happiness is her happiness. She strokes my hair when I...

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Mysteries

We walked yesterday. Around Ridgewood, around the block, around this one-horse town. The neighborhood-y feel of Ridgewood drastically turns to blight at Flushing Avenue, where we briefly visited the Onderdonk House. That...

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Understood

Is a word I use often but I do not mean it. Nothing is understood. I stood under nothing with respect to what you just explained to me. If I stood under your beliefs it would imply I supported them or advocated their merits and...

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Sun

Got some sun yesterday, more than I’ve absorbed in a long while. Today there’s a headache and some burn on my neck. How I suffer. I was working on other things but when I saw the bright, hot sun beating down I could...

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That Taste

I didn’t want to let it go. Did I even have to? Was it mandatory that I shower and wash my face clean of the honey? I suppose it was. The better part of decorum prevailed. I whispered to her that I did not want to let it...

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Say Something

Feels like I have something to say but, as often, there is in fact nothing there. Void. Emptiness fills my sanity and my soul. A whirring hum of zeroes and nulls. I wore long sleeves today. Long sleeved shirt. It seemed...

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My Body Weeps

This workplace can be very uncomfortable on weekends and holidays. While other sections of the building are air conditioned they choose, for whatever reason, not to activate a/c on this area. The other side of the floor, where...

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Ride That Train

She said she wants to “ride this train” as long as possible. It’s like semi-retirement, but she’s not the sort who looks for an ending. There is always something else on the horizon, some new adventure or...

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Coffee Receipts, Receipts Revisited?

First Starbucks in I don’t know how long. I forgot how gross I find it. Acidic, muddy, tastes a bit like pipe. Sandy pipe. My other options were unavailable and time was running short so I did what I had to do, got what I...

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No Shave Day

Didn’t think I needed to but it seems I lost track of which day I last shaved. I look...

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Nothingness

At work. On the job. Feeling icy inside. Earthquake in NJ last night. Radio commentators were confusing, making it sound like a 4.8 had hit. THis job is a zero for me now. I quiet quit many months ago. You cannot expect someone...

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An Archive Quirk

I found an odd quirk at arhive.org yesterday. A search for “sorabji” turned up a number of expected results, meaning the name “sorabji” was somewhere in the title or description. But one item caught my...

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NOTHING

That was a word of the day yesterday. She said she loves how I greet the day with “nothing.” Completely naked, not a sock, not a shirt, not even my glasses with which to see. She’s not wrong. Typically I spend...

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I Told Her

The account I rarely tell anybody, but it’s long enough in the past that it doesn’t matter anymore. All of it, the context and the details, are forgotten now to all but me. I am prone to abusive relationships, and...

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I Was Well Prepared

Before the Loaner Scope- FAMO was introduced through my anus and advanced to the cecum and identified by appendiceal orifice and ileocecal valve, the doctor in charge of the procedue asked if I was nervous or concerned. I said...

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New Thing, King

Trying something I’ve yet to do from this job, which I have held for over 2 years now. I have never mixed personal activities or creative output with being here at this position. It seemed wrong, and it seemed probably...

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Another Saturday

Like a lot of people, since Covid I have lost any sense of time. Months pass like days, weeks pass like minutes, or the opposite sensation where a day feels like a year. I was commenting on a grocery store that had “just...

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Power

I have a powerful weapon. All others pale in its overpowering bombast and colorized omnipresence. I cannot identify it, for that would loosen its grip. Tools and powers should never be revealed or boasted of.

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Disorientating

I was asleep early, maybe around 7:00pm, after a long and draining day, when I woke up around 7:30pm. Unaware I had only slept a half hour I thought I had slept a full night, over 12 hours, and that I had better get going to not...

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Ways things change

Had an idea here but let it slip away. Slip slide slippery slope, sloppy slippers sliding subtly into substreams of gaseous elements. Walked past an early morning class that was commencing at a place where cement workers get...

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One is allowed to ask…

What would the last 33 years have been like had we never parted ways? This relationship, if I can call it that, interests me intellectually more than any I can remember. We seem to get each other, although with age comes...

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Phone Much?

Conversation yesterday made me realize that I talk on the phone to virtually nobody. I used to say I hated having full conversations via text, but that seems to have become normal for me. I have not heard my sister’s voice...

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Normal

Feeling normal again, whatever normal even means. Now it means not running a temperature, not feeling a soreness in my throat that makes swallowing any food a painful challenge, not gagging when I brush my tongue (I now know...

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An Interesting Find

Whoever found or finds the bag I lost this week is in for an unusual assortment of detritus. My work photo ID, which has my name and place of employment, was stashed in a bag with some condoms and some Lipton tea bags. There may...

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Can Not Leave

I don’t know how, but I seem to have lost my company ID card. That makes no sense in any world but after 20 minutes searching this AM I gave up. It has to be somewhere. But the upshot for now is that, after sneaking into...

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More Combat With a Drain

I’m not getting lucky with the wakeup routines this week. First the kitchen sink spring a leak beyond my ability to fix. The landlord came and fixed it quickly, but not after I spent a morning hauling a very full bucket of...

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Did I Even?

Bad, restless, sleepless sleep. Woke up asking myself if I really got any sleep at all. No time for dreams. Have a sore throat and do not know why. Slept with mouth open, I suspect. Had trouble with the shower, too. Somehow...

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Days

Whose days are whose? When is my day mine, and our day ours? Did I do everything I needed to do yesterday? The day before? Things to be done by others outside my circles, outside my squares, their work still need to be done, for...

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Horribles

I cannot even think of anything to say. THought I’d be late to work (meaning less than an hour early) but here I am, a few minutes before 8 am and thus over an hour early. I’ve been reading a couple of prison books....

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Fresh Pipe

I should have done a before shot, for which this would be the “after.” Woke on...

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Ridgewood

My 4-day weekend in Ridgewood ended up here. I love sleeping on undiscovered beds with...

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Soccer ball

Somewhere in Ridgewood a school-aged kid is kicking a soccer ball against a fence. 8 inches beyond that fence is a tombstone, one of thousands at a cemetery that neighbors the playground where the kid kicks the ball. It is an...

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Coded Message

I told her “I used your POPEYES bag to transport my strawberries to work.” I then added that the statement sounded like some kind of coded messages but really, that is all there was to it. The POPEYES bag she left in...

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Contacts

Something I fail to understand is how people can find my public phone number but not see the e-mail address that is posted on the very same page. Some say the email address does not work but I suspect they are spelling something...

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Too Cynical. $101 Is Mine Again

I knew I was being too cynical about it. The system is there, it’s been there for a long time, so it has to have some useful function, right? But it’s the MTA, so cynicism is natural. A few weeks ago my 30-day...

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All over terriblelenad

Where is it going? Who needs to know? At work early, as usual, no matter what else wails in my personal life. I made it to the first doctor’s appointment in over a year yesterday. I feel like I’m lying when they take...

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Remembering

She might be coming to my place tomorrow. I’ve been to her place twice now. She has a beautiful apartment but no couch and the furniture is kind of random. The best place to sit and talk would be the bed, and she invited...

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Memory

When is a memory not a memory? Should not two people who shared an experience both remember it, and if they do not, is the memory negated, even if documentary evidence of the shared incident is available? In going over...

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never know

Met up yesterday with someone i had not seen in something like 30 years. I guess I can call her an ex-lover, my first in NYC, and my first first, if you know what I mean. I had girlfriends in college but ours was a rather...

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Shower troubles

The new shower accoutrements are a mixed bag. On the one hand, when I sit for the first time there is a cushion there to rest my back on. That is nice. I never laid back like this before, or at least not very often, because of...

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Feeling bad

Not going to be a fun day. Feeling fibers of my flesh. Slept poorly but with ambitions to the contrary. I think I’ve become adept at relaxing the muscles in my face. That was harder to accomplish thanI expected but I think...

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Upped my shower game

And I think it’s a win. I got a shower cushion nad I think it fits perfectly. I can lie back in the tub without the cold shock and ongoing discomfort of rubbing my spine against the tub’s cold surface. I mean, this...

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Slept well

Saturdays it feels like I get the place to myself. The workplace. I don’t, but with few others on board and a general tendency to avoid shitting where you work I get a crystal clean bathroom and kitchen that only I will...

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Say nothing

A correspondence with a dating site woman has kicked off in the usual stereotypical way. I write two or three complete sentences, she responds with a single word, at most two words. Breadcrumbing, it’s called. I hate it. I...

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Peanut Butter Park

I had a dream in which my sister and her husband announced they were going to a place called Peanut Butter Park. It was an amusement park with a peanut butter theme, something every childhood never knew it needed until now. That...

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That’s the way I like to eat it

You didn’t say it. I did. I said everything there was to say about the leafiness, the hardness, the annoying sticker and the goo it leaves behind, needing to be scrubbed off. You cannot eat that apple without payments to...

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Sartorial Twitches

Wearing an ex-girlfriend’s socks, and the underpants of an unknown man. I know how the socks came into my possession but the underpants remain a minor mystery involving misdirected mail opened before checking the recipient...

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Someone is trying to tell me something

I don’t know who she is but I hear her voice, deep and raw, slumbering in my head, talking in her sleep. It is the same warnings I hear but cannot understand as they slip and strain through the sounds of an air conditioner...

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Connection

Something I’ve been afraid to say outloud to myself, for fear of what I do not know, is that I’ve been hopelessly, painfully lonely these past few years. I’ve made new friends, had some interesting/wonderful...

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Subways

Express went local. 5 vibe felt off. People very tall sitting down like fallen trees. I had a whore in my head. Hundreds of them. Watched an interesting-looking woman navigate her way around, tourist, traveling alone, looking...

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They Watch Me

The only thing anyone does at this company, the only reason anyone shows up and gets paid to be here, is to watch me eat strawberries. I lift each strawberry, one at a time, and bite into it, sometimes ingesting the entirety of...

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Letter from E. October 7, 2020

Autumn arrived like a brick wall, but I’m getting adjusted. The waning light and cold keep you on your toes, but then, there is also the beautiful slanting light in the trees, the snow on the mountains and the feeling that...

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Water

Woke up to a kind of flood. Stagnation. Water surrounding me, it seemed. FOrtunately my shower head has an on/off switch, where any time I use it I have to remind myself that up is off and down is on. That seems counterintuitive...

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Back at Work

As much as I sometimes feel it has squashed my life into a pancake, I cannot lie that it feels safer here at the office than at home. I worked from home for 20 years, almost completely in solitude. It gains on you. It envelopes...

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Another Day

I made it through a rough couple of days and nights. I feel fine now. It was scary but I had a friend who cared about me, and that made all the difference. You don’t always know who your friends are, or who they are not. I...

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6, 6, and 6

I read yesterday that dating sites and apps have ruined sexuality for a majority of men. I believe it. THe 6, 6, and 6 rules says that the only men getting anywhere on those apps are 6 feet tall and muscularly handsome, have a...

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All the Lights Are One

Typically, in this room, lights are on but only half way. Corners are dark but not uninhabitably so. Not like my recent shower-in-total-darkness experiment, which proved fruitless. Lighting all across this floor is strange...

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Robbed of $101

I have most likely been robbed by the MTA of $101. That’s about how much was left on my 30-day unlimited pass before the card became “damaged.” A Fulton Street MTA rep handed me an envelope with a questionaire...

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Zines in Cabinets

A ‘Zines exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum was enough to make me give the NYPL CulturePass a try. I think you can only use it once a year but it gets you free general admission, which would be $20 in this case, to a number of...

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Darkness

I don’t know why, or if I read about it somewhere, but I decided to try showering in complete darkness. Door shut, and when I shower around 5am there is minimal to no light coming through the small opaque window with a...

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Going Up?

That is what I asked the full-face masked gentleman on the elevator today. His response: “I hope so.” It made me chuckle, and he caught the fact that I am a person who can laugh at a wry, impromptu joke. In my...

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Stramblin’ Man

Yesterday was mostly midtown, and kind of oppressively so. I felt horrible for oversleep and poor diet. I find myself thinking about the past more than I prefer. Watching videos of myself from 1997, leaving New York and setting...

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Mystery

Instead of shoveling weak and flaccid news articles into my head I decided to be present on the subway last night. Aware of my surroundings. I noticed a woman wearing a green jacket,, covering up I don’t know what other...

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Bursten

Levees break. Bellies burst. Eat your nectarines and soothe the pits with your tangy tongue. Pits are sulky, strident beasts, idling in earthless oil. We need them to guarantee our back pockets remain shaky, and taut....

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No more nothing

Have no posted here in a while. No reason for, no reason against. Been watching videos from the old Handycam. Digitizing them. Some of it is hard to swallow. From 1997, mostly. Atlanta. A sorry time of my life. Sorry I ever did...

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Electrical eccentrical

Lightning fight in the brain. Arriving here I articulate the words “I’m nothing special” even though certain individuals here will look at me with just that shine, an element of glow that knows itself, knows...

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No More Strawberries

A pound of strawberries had been my breakfast staple for workdays for most of last year. I think I shall move on from this tiny but beloved ritual. They have become too expensive, the task of transporting them in my already...

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Alone in the Kitchen

I have to remind myself: I am not a career person. I did not come to this job looking for eternity, retirement, pension. I was told last week that, given my reputation and duration of employment, it is virtually impossible for...

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Strawberry Weirdness

Who would think the quest for cheap strawberries would send me into a strange place… Typically, I buy strawberries at a local produce stand up the street from me. They’re not always the best quality, but with...

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Shopping Cart

Started a poem yesterday, handwritten, not typed. Feels different that way, even if it should feel familiar. It’s about 3 kids who find a dead dog in a shopping cart on Hoe Avenue, at the Hoe Avenue Garden. It’s...

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Christmas

I woke on Christmas day to nothing working. Web sites down, wifi creaky, hot water took 10 minutes to reach hottity. This after another rough night of sleep, or something resembling sleep. I wonder sometimes if I will die,...

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Serenity

I felt it yesterday, unexpectedly, given the tumult and travails of the morning hours. Nothing shocking happened. But it was uncomfortable. I felt sour, tiny, bitter… I looked forward to the job itself elevating me from...

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Happy

Yesterday was an utter waste. I bought perfunctory groceries (beer and cheese), and spent other parts of the day shopping for food, asking myself why. Why? I feel better with a hunger high than I feel after eating a soulless,...

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No Witnesses

I feel lucky no one was around just now to see me panic over not being able to find my bottle of anxiety meds. I was certain they were in the outer pocket my mymulti-pocketed messenger bag. But after ransacking that pocket to...

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Tickertape Man

Yesterday. A craggy, ceaseless, mentally violent series of panics, the likes of which sent me to the MRI chamber only to be to ld my brain was “unremarkable.” I opened this gift of a day by watching soap suds circle...

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Headphones

I’ve been listening to music on headphones as if I’m the first person ever to discover that one can be on a subway or walking on a city street oblivious to the surroundings thanks to loud music and noise-cancelling...

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Meta AI: No Homeless Allowed

I’ve used DALL-E pretty much exclusively for generating random images. It’s fun. The censorship aspect is irritating at times. In certain contexts, you can have homeless men but not homeless women. You will never be...

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The sugar box and a doorknob

Today’s downsizing, again relatively modest, saw the disposal of an empty box of “Sugar in the Raw” and a ziploc bag containing the remains of a decimated doorknob. I kept the empty sugar box because I liked...

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She was 11-Feet Tall

Sunday was another rain day. I stayed inside most of it. I don’t like being inside a place I’ve been in for something like 25 years. I just renewed another lease. Not happy about that, but should I be? It’s...

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Feel good

Nothing to say. Reflecting on my absence in life. It’s like I’m not here. So much...

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Movement

Yesterday. All I wanted was to move. Up at 6am I made short order of grocery shopping. I am consistently being awarded the Senior Discount even though I am not 62, and I do not feel close to 62. I don’t even fuck old but I...

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Filling up

The PBX encountered something I never thought it would. It filled to capacity with .wav files, every last one of them needless and superfluous since I eliminated the “glitch” that was not a glitch. Or did I eliminate...

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Diet is everything?

Feeling much better this day after the last, which was torturous at times. Felt like I’d been eating tree branches. Innards asunder, ass under. Crazy dreams came from that, reminding me of the one strip I could never...

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Working This Day

Working Thanksgiving Day, same as I did last year. Works for me. I’m no fan of holidays. Weird dreams last night. I was in a receiving area adjacent to the Trump Tower. Many of us worked there and knew the grounds but many...

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Feel Fine

el fine today after a few days of feeling like I’d been eating tree branches for breakfast lunch and dinner. I read some random source saying that everyone should stop taking Omeprazole immediately. I’ve taken it...

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So many things

Have so much on my mind these days, yet so little to show for it. No action. All thought funnels, emptying into an indifferent sky. I don’t want to talk about most of it, but I do write about it offline, for my...

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Sitting

This spot has taken on some kind of meaning to me. It’s where I sit most workday morning, for about 45 minutes, typing forgettable accounts of the previous days’ adventures and heroics. At this time I am recording...

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27,252 steps? Is that even possible?

Yesterday I walked, but I don’t see how 27k+ steps is even possible. More importantly, I nearly choked yesterday on a sandwich. It was at the Myrtle/Willoughby G train station in Brooklyn. Nobody around, really, and I had...

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Mt. Vernon

Yesterday I made it up to Mount Vernon West on the Metro North. Nice ride up, a bit of a mess on the return, in between I scoped out (what else?) payphones. I found more than expected. Well, put it another way. I knew there...

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DST Got Me

I arose at 5am, after lying wide awake since 4:30. Two days ago this would have been an hour later. I made use of the time, but now I am at work earlier than ever. No problem. I encountered the Marathon yesterday. Props to the...

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Where to go

On Wednesday, I went up to the Bronx, to an area which, on one map at least, would have been called Laconia. I had intended to walk from there to Co-Op City but it was cold and I just didn’t feel the joy. The 5 train from...

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Weather

80 degrees Saturday, Rain and 50s Sunday, 60s and clear Monday. The weather has been messing me up. All seasons in a week. Now it’s daylight savings time on Sunday. Who needs this strangulation of time and temperance? Even...

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Passages

Word comes fast these days. Almost immediately. Whose turn is next? Yours? Your nemesis? Mine? Last month, I learned that an acquaintance from long ago died in his sleep. No cause given, at least not in any circles I could...

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