what happened? I arrived at 6pm, next thing I knew it was 1:30pm the next day. Or so it seemed in the moment. I was awake earlier, around 10am, which is already dangerously off-routine for me. I had fallen off the bed and my back was sore, my whole body was sore, enough to make me question if this was permanent damage. She could do nothing but laugh at this. As her laughter continued I reminded myself that I am always alone, no matter how much fucking, how much contact, how much seemingly always-on a relationship gets to be… I am always alone.
I walked home in one piece, having slept off the soreness and other maladies. I feel no pain now but there is a gassiness in my head, a fog and a cloud and a miasma of sleepy slop. Adjusting my sleep after a day of sleeping past noon when I typically was at 5:30 or 6am is the kind of challenge many people face regularly. I suppose I should take it in stride and not appear to be using this to make any excuses. Hell, I ended up getting to work 20 minutes earlier than usual. How’s that for appearances that no one is looking at?
There is talk at this job of a 4-day compressed workweek. I applied for it and was allegedly accepted but the workweek has not changed. It was supposed to start last week, or maybe a few weeks ago. I would, if approvied, work Monday-Thursday and get Friday-Sunday off. That would be awesome, at least at first blush. I’d work 9am-6:45pm (I think? maybe 6:30pm). It would interfere with my drinking regimen but maybe that’s for the best. I think one change I would make is that I would probably stop getting here over an hour early eevery day. I like this time, spent writing or texting in the break room where it is usually nice and quiet. But this is a bonus for me. I can do this at home, or can I? I came to loath creating content of any kind at the home office, the home desk. The clackity-click of the keyboard gives me an almost immediate headache of regret, and the responsibility of keeping the PC running smoothly became an irritant long ago. I did a Zoom meeting a few weeks ago and sure enough, the PC crashed hard about an hour before the call. It could just as easily have crashed at the time the call was scheduled.
I am going to put in for more leave time. I have something like 2 months of annual leave and holiday comp time, and someone implied that if I don’t use the holiday comp time it does not cash out when I quit or get fired. I had previously been told the exact opposite of this, that all accumulated leave time was paid as cash upon departure.
We had really good sex yesterday. As is common, I pay for it in a kind of jetlagged dislocation of time and space. She gets sore where she wants to be sore, and talks glowingly of it. I like waking up to find her happy, glowing, smiling.
