I wanted to buy groceries. Instead I wasted July 24, 2012, waiting for UPS.
I wanted to get sunlight and enjoy the hot-but-not-too-hot summer day, but I spent 17 hours waiting for UPS to deliver a package, watching darkness consume the day as I stupidly jumped from my chair when every UPS-shaped truck roared past.
They teased me. UPS My Choice teased me. Another portion of the delivery arrived early. Early! I asked where the rest of the shipment was and was told no, I got nothing. I assumed this meant the rest of the delivery would arrive via another driver, as it has in the past.
But UPS My Choice, a useless service for which I spend … something (I don’t remember what it cost) … assured me that the package was in transit, “Scheduled For Early Delivery On: Tuesday, 07/24/2012.”
Nothing doing. July 24 came and went. I imagined how magical it would be if the package arrived as the sun came up.
A useless e-mail to UPS was sent, certainly to the delighted chuckles of the morning crew.
So humiliating. Peoplepods like me are just statistics to a company like UPS. The package is early, the package is late, just shutup and take the package whenever we have time to give it to you you low-value non-corporate residential customer.
Now that midnight has passed I realize just how completely wasted was this day. O, UPS My Choice, you failed me so hard it hurt. I need you more than you need me, though. We both know you will do it again, you will waste another full day of my life, and you will shake your head in phony dismay before delivering last week’s package to the next asshole.
