i would describe what i hear around me, all around me, but i can not hear much of anything. nearly deaf this week from earwax congestion and other aural miseries, starting (i think) with the ingestion of the flu shot 2 months ago. nothing has felt quite right since i got the flu shot. or maybe it was the heroin overdose. or the coke. or the wrist-slashings.
seriously, though, the nearly-deaf thing is starting to manifest itself in weirdness i say in response to innocuous questions. it just happened. moments ago.
i hear the corridors of hearing open up at times. like a rustling whoosh, a wustling rhoosh. sound flows like a river. then it stops, though i do not always know when. subtleties.
this happened a couple of years ago. same side, same ear, but the hearing loss was complete. i could not hear a fat fucking thing out of the left side of my head. i hear this and that today, but not enough to be functional. lucky for me, i don‘t have to be functional.
which bring sme back to that flu shot. the signs inducing me to enter the Walgreens and get the flu shot said that i should get the shot not for me but for everyone in my life who cares, who relies on me, who needs me. it made me sad. both my parents are gone and my sister is very busy, and i can not think of anyone in my life who would care for more than a couple of beers if i was available. or not.
boo hoo
so if i can‘t hear what you are saying, maybe it does not even matter.
the sensations of hearing the liquids and watery passages through my skull, now exaggerated and demonstrably vigorous, are strangely enjoyable. after the flu/cold subsided a few weeks ago i marvelled at the sound, the thundering sound of air passing through my freshly uncongested nasal cavities. the sounds inside my head, sounds having nothing to do with the neighboring brain but with the physicalities and the corridors and the interactions of watery hubs with bony concatanations.
i used to think that i would prefer blindness to deafness, as deafness would make me batshit almost immediately. now i am not so sure. the adventures of sound within my head are earthily entertaining.
i can see getting my ass kicked and pummelled and redacted by directionless thugs who shout obscenities at me, demanding a reaction, unaware that i can not hear them. i can imagine NYPD barking at me, asking what is in the little bag which contains a bottle of A1 Steak Sauce, then going into “Giuliani Time“ when I can not hear them and do not respond. a bottle of A1 would not feel good up my
