It’s funny how this has changed. Whenever I think of the word “cemetery” now something inside of me weakens. It’s like my spleen smiles. It used to be entirely the opposite. It was a word I felt should not even be spoken. I am heading there right now, hoping I will be able to sit in the chapel. There was supposed to be a mass today and I actually thought of going since I was up early enough, but I would not have been able to make it after all. Feeling very depressed today, sour about my life. I have had a lot of ups and downs lately, so there will be another up. I had an excellent time yesterday at a friends place, so that is something. Tried to do some work earlier but as so often happens the computer got in my way. For some mysterious reason I was unable to copy and paste text, and for what I happen to be doing that was kind of critical. So I rebooted and other annoyances intruded. I wasted almost a full hour. I know it will happen, death by BSOD.
Interesting, I just saw that you can rent Uber-ready cars for $350 a week. That seems like a pretty big handicap, unless drivers are making $700 a week. And I would imagine it’s a trick price anyway, and that the $350 becomes $450.
In the church now. Nothing here but the sound of my voice and the dust and dirt of my body. The kneeler is solid wood and very hard on my knees but I did try to kneel. There is a lot of activity around today, lots of lawn mowers and more visitors than usual. Wondering if the mass earlier was terribly crowded. There is a stack of chairs which suggests they were planning for overflow seating. It would be strange to be here with a huge turnout of people at a service. I can only think of this place as one of solitude.
Sitting outside now on a bench outside a mausoleum. It is coming up on 2 p.m. and if they close the chapel at that hour I did not want to be in there when they came to do that. I noticed the 12 stations of the cross on the wall, I forgot that was what they were.
As I was thinking of going back into the chapel three women appeared, looking like they were surveying or touring the grounds. It looked like they were headed into the chapel. It would have been weird to be in there by myself when they entered, so I’m glad I left. Heading back now. Want to resume my work.
