I’ve been doing what I have meant to do for a long time: Re-reading and cleaning up the postings here from the last few years before making the site open to the searchies. That was always the plan, and sometimes I would clean up or expand upon a .MOBI posting after it landed. But mostly I just let them go as-is, or rather as-was.
I have posted an absurd quantity of insipid prattle, the stuff of diaries or notes-to-self, but here or there I find something of merit. I forgot how I used to go to the LIBARRY and the ghetto coffee shop almost every day.
I notice that I’ve consistently misspelled certain words, probably tops among them being “canceling”, which I repeatedly spelled with two Ls. But for writing all that with a bare bones text editor and no spell check the typos are fewer than I expected. Still, at times I see what people mean when they look at personal websites and ask “Why would anybody do that?”
I don’t think I ever explained why I refer to the library as the LIBARRY. It is a holdover from high school, where a certain friend only ever referred to the library as the LIBARRY. He also would only refer to McDonald’s as Mc-DOO-DOOs, but somehow I have not carried that substitution with me. This same person said he was 12 or 13 years old before learning that the toilet was called the toilet. He thought it was called the THRONE.
I don’t know if I will make this site live to the searchies at this URL or if I will dump it onto the payphone site. In what may look like an act of desperation I might throw ads on this content.
I’ll get back to work on the edits. Reading back over some of this stuff is depressing. I remember how strung out I was when the big relationship ended, but I never talked about my murdered heart much, here or anywhere else. Lingering memories of the big relationship and the breakup have largely abated now, but I was seriously distraught about it for as much as two years. After that and the way things fizzled with L. after such high hopes were raised I think I might never date again, but I’m unclear with myself if I should say it is by choice or merely resignation.
So much activity in my life and in my head never makes it here, or anywhere.
I am looking at other WordPress themes for this site. There is a new-to-me one from Elegant Themes, called Extra, that looked promising but I could not get Live Preview to work so I said fuggit. It looks like a plugin conflict, which is one of the top 10 things to hate about WordPress, how so much of its extended functionality relies on plugins and how often those plugins break themes, leading to wasted time figuring out which plugin to deactivate.
Next project could be to sort through the hours of shower talk recordings I have made, deciding what if anything to do with all that stuff. It seems daunting to do these things but once I get started I find it is never as big a deal as I expected.
It seems like I take the panic pills a lot less than I used to, but it’s hard to say. I might take one today even though I’m not feeling real anxiety, just a little internal weirdness and a desire to not drink for a while.
Sitting at this desk does not feel so much like something is encircling me, or enveloping me, like it used to. I went to the libraries and coffee shops to get away from my life. It seems I need less of that escape now. I might volunteer again to sit at my friend’s art studio. I don’t know if I mentioned that here but in exchange for a bar tab at her bar I would sit in her neighboring art studio just to keep the place open.
