It might have been considered cute. Naked in the shower, masturbating, trying to share the joy with like-minded, similarly engaged individuals around the world. But I couldn’t figure out the technology. The hardware (huh huh) would only use the front facing camera, which points at my face. That’s a no-no. No option to point that thing at my junk seemed possible. It makes more sense to use the superior rear camera, since it has the flashlight for lighting. But the only option was the front camera, which led to me unintentionally studying my face. I seldom look at myself closely. But there I was, in the flesh, all my zits and rosacia up close and bleeding, or else falling off my face.. Honestly, I thought I looked pretty good. Weathered, older than most people whose attentions I would likely attract, but fundamentally OK looking. I make the girls laugh on these camming sites. Like, long, loud chortles and guffaws. It’s been enough to make me reciprocate what they do. It would not be the first time. I’ve masturbated publicly, and quite memorably for me, probably about a dozen times. Privately I’ve done it countless times, though mostly on the phone or via text. Video, as I rediscovered today, can be clumsy. I stopped doing it upon taking this job, and also because it used to cost something to broadcast. Today it seems entirely free to broadcast, though there would certainly be charges at some point. Most people seem to be on this scene for the money or whatever currency is in use. I just want to be seen and to make people laugh, not at but with me. My mind can be pretty active when masturbating or having sex.

Would you believe that someone just snuck up behind me and asked “What are you writing about?” Scared the snot out of me. In a different context I might be coaxed into explaining what these words are about but this is an EEO workplace environment where I would not think it appropriate to utter certain of the words used in this missive. I replied “Nothing!” and everyone got a laugh over my visible alarm at being snuck up upon, unknown to them that the answer to the woman’s question would have probably horrified them all.

There are so many of these sites now that I could easily choose one at random and feel safe in my anonymity. It’s hard to imagine any woman I’ve ever been with finding my broadcast and recognizing my body. From there it’s further difficult to imagine there would be any followup. If any of them tried to shame me I’d just be like, “Yeah, that’s me. I like getting in on things with others. It’s fun, safe, and, unlike certain women I’ve been with, harmless.”

I’m unwilling to access those sites from the workplace, for obvious reasons. Surveillance cameras are everywhere at this workplace but I don’t think they’re looking so closely over my shoulder to read these precious, important words.

I spent yesterday rummaging through my webserver, finally extracting database content I’d been wanting to see for a number of years. It was plugged into an installation of eGroupWare (I think it’s called). The install quit working a long time ago but the dataabase remained. I had written a highly detailed description of what was in my closets and bedroom. It was fun to read again. I did it a sort of absurdist spirit, using a groupware application designed for, well, groups of people who work in an office. There was a section in which office inventory was to be described, down to how many padded envelopes and ball point pens were available. I instead filled in my inventory of cameras and tools. With the bedroom I inventoried the chests of drawers and whistful references to the good times spent on that mattress. I need to clean them, by the way. My senses tell me someone might be stopping by this week or next, or else I’ll be invited to her place. For the latter scenario I finally purchased a backup bottle of vodka, a smaller size, in case she has no liquor cabinet. That happened with Crystal and it made me kind of twitchy having no mental lubricant save for beer. Just a shot or two of vodka and I’m good to go. I wonder if there are rules here about possession of booze at the workplace? Probably not. If it does not interfere with your ability to do the job then who cares…