I have been to clubs where the sighing and moaning rising from shadowy bodies around dimly lit rooms seemed beautiful to my ears; where the shared adventure would bring an ex even closer to me by the time we left, as if we had been to another planet together.
With my ex-husband, it was different; he got bored with the marriage and hassled me into trying out one of these places. The first time, I went along with it to please him, but decidedly nervous and repulsed. I saw that there were other women in my situation; they sat in a corner while their husbands went fishing for fun. I decided that wasn’t for me, so I became curious; this was evidently a game I had never played, so why not observe and try.
Plus, in my simplistic mind, the fact that my husband was doing this meant that he didn’t love me anymore, so what the hell. I learned to be ore discerning later on with an ex who navigated me through such experiences with such an innate understanding of what I was feeling that we both got the same kicks or deceptions or excitement out of it.