I watched porn today. First time in weeks, maybe even months.

I usually start with cocksucking and facial cumshots, deep throating a special bonus. The latter stirs something deep inside me, seeing the full length of a cock all the way down to the nutsac, thrust completely into the puffy, pouty lips of a woman’s face, into her head, the drool and blobs of spit oozing onto the floor, down her chest, soaking his balls. When she stops to breathe she scoops as much of that drool off the dude’s balls as she can, into her mouth, slyly smiling.

Facefucking is not a new term, nor is skullfucking, headfucking, brainfucking, throatfucking… If I don’t see smiles or happiness to be there I turn it off.

Good cuntsucking videos seem few and far between. The focus usually veers to the dude’s face in her cunt, tongue swirling figure-eights around her clit. I find the real joy in watching the woman’s face and body respond, her hands pushing the dude’s head into her, how she seems to be pushing him away while pulling him in.

After some perfunctory cocksucking videos today somehow I landed on a bunch of short videos of elderly women sucking cock, all the cocks appended to young men. I thought of the older women I’ve known who made suggestive comments to me.

One of the elders must have been Asian, because after I followed the “You may also like” recommendations I found an endless series of young, petite Asian women sucking cocks of almost always faceless, seemingly white men.

Then I couldn’t seem to escape longer videos of women masturbating alone. That category has never done anything for me.

One video from today had an Asian dominatrix sucking a white guy’s cock in a hotel room. The only evidence of her dominatrix role was that the word “dominatrix” appeared in the title of the video, and there was a plastic ring wrapped around the base of the guy’s cock.

He came like a fire hydrant onto her face, into her mouth, which I guess is what this “Dominatrix” commanded, as she seemed more than satisfied with the cockload of jizz crawling down her face.

At the end, when he’s ready to come on her face, he pulls his cock out of her mouth and works his cock, shooting a huge load onto her face and into her mouth. After he’s done, with her fingers she scoops what’s on her face into her mouth, and smiles, swallowing all she could of the dude’s huge load.

I love when women smile in porns. It’s more beautiful than all their cunts combined. But then cunt is not what I’d call beautiful. It’s not about what it looks like, not usually, at least. It’s where it goes, what it leads to: The heart and mind of the cuntee.

When I see that sequence, the dude working his cock to finish off the cocksucking and come on her face, I remember how angry a particular ex would get when I even touched my cock as we had sex. She’d complain that “This is great, my boyfriend is masturbating in bed with me”, meaning that she and only she should be my source of stimulation.

So I never came on her face, which I don’t think she’d have been into anyway. We had a magnificent ritual, though, of checking into a hotel room and, first order of business, we’d make sure no one could reasonably see us even by accident, and she’d suck me off at one of the hotel room windows, curtains wide open. I remember looking down at Manhattan Island like this, holding the back of her head as our cocksucking disappeared into the impossiblities of anyone in the city of millions possibly seeing us, centering instead on our moment together.

I have to admit, to give that ex some respect: When I was younger I felt guilty or inadequate when a woman worked her cunt in my naked presence. I’m over it now, at least I think I am.

Like almost anything in my days, porn consumption is cyclical, which is not to say predictable. I have had weeks where every screen in my possession was tuned in to a different porn stream. Three computer monitors, the bigass 72″ TV, the piano tablet sheet music reader, two smaller tablet devices, and the cell phone. I had porn everywhere, every single room, any direction I might reasonably have had reason to look.

It wasn’t for the purpose of arousal or to facilitate masturbation. It’s not like I was jerking off to
every single screen, or even one of them.

It was more in the spirit of manifesting those footnotes in my mind, where a moment of mental gradation lets seep in lowest common denominator thoughts of casual cocksucking, hard fucking, sounds and mental machinations of a woman’s body moving and shaking to the rhythm of a cock pumping into her cunt, thrusting into her mouth.

These thoughts creep in throughout the days, so why not admit to it and surround myself with visual manifestations of them?

At present, on the other monitor, I and over 10,000 others are watching a beautiful blonde woman suck the cock of a faceless dude, apparently her husband (she has a ring), live from Australia. She is all naked but the most beautiful thing about it is that she’s wearing an ankle bracelet. I have a fetish for those, but moreso for gladiator sandals.

Now the dude is pumping her cunt from behind, while some of the other 10,000 people watching beg for him to pull out and come in her mouth.

I don’t really like these live shows. The performers pay more attention to the chat room and the money donations than to each other.