typing this at the piano, with no spell check, because i am such a manly man in that respect. 10:39pm as i start. an ongoing epic correspondence with the author of a sheet music reading program has me ready to throw in the towel. he’s very patient and considerate, as am i, but it’s gone on for two weeks now and it’s just monotonous.
for years i used version 4 of this person’s sheet music reader. it was not perfect but i liked it well enough. it worked, albeit slowly and klutzily, and not very aesthetically appealingly. but the music was all that mattered.
the new version tries to go beyond the paradigm of being a reader that reads music off your pc. it goes to the cloud storage model, for some reason. in my case, with over 13,000 PDFs i’ve amassed over 20 years, that is asking a lot in terms of bandwidth and my end-user PC’s processing power.
I’ll leave it at that. it’s boring, isn’t it? it’s boring when things don’t work. i’m not out much money but i have burned a lot of time on this, always finding in the end that thing just doesn’t work and i should have stayed put with the earlier version.
growing up i never would have imagined typing onto a computer keyboard at the piano. i might have had i ventured into electronic music, but that was never a thing.
i did something last week that in the past i might have called crazy, or in the crazy i might have called it past. i posted the complete Payphone Radio to archive. it was easier than expected, though not as intuitive or inviting an interface as other platforms.
wait a minute, why would i say that? i archived similarly large collections at flickr and found it maddening. by comparison archive is a snap.
i don’t know if their deal is for real but if it is i’d like to keep it my little secret.
some months earlier i also posted my complete Big Pictures series, from 1999-2010, to archive. i will do as much with My Receipts once i can get them organized.
why? permanence. i deserve it. i believe i’ve made some meaningful contributions to the culture with my projects. i never imagined or desired things like this going blockbuster. just providing evidence of an industrious and creative soul, and inspiration for others.
apropo to nothing an email just crossed announcing the closure of an Astoria message board i used to take seriously. as happens with all fora, and as per my decision not to be part of them anymore, it turned to anger, spite, namecalling, lies, and absolutely needless vitriol. then came the avalanches of spam, one shitstorm after another.
listening to myself talking, this time through my cell phone. i’m talking about the women in my life the last few years, how i fail to even recognize myself in that realm anymore. i used to b relationship-minded, at least i thought i was. i was definitely one to take his time, or take our time, without diving in only to leap out.
i needed assurances.
but since the Japanese Waif on the Q66 i don’t need any of that. just give me a clue and i’ll see if i need anything to do.
it’s come full circle again. i need safety. i need me, not her, not “us”.
the Japanese Waif was a fuckbuddy and all, but i liked her. when she got deported i felt legitimate claim to some chagrin and even loss.
but what a mess she turned out to be.
enough of that. no more of the others. none of them, that is. not now.
i should sleep, or try to. the BBC Radio4 Extra radio dramas are slaying me lately. i think last night’s may have contributed to my sleep-wakening nightmare in which i dove into a giant vagina to escape the wrath of a sociopathic marine who’d been sent back to Eden and tortured by the hand of God. the marine had been crushed in the ever-powerful prestidigitational clutches of the almighty, simply because God did not recognize marines as marines. God wanted vengeance against this alien not yet created or evolved.
God sent the marine back and all of us had hell to pay for it. I acted as casual as possible but felt the eyes of that angry, well-armed, one-person militia as his army stampeded toward me.
i knew there was an enormous vagina up ahead, safe and soft for to dive into even from a height of several miles.
but the marine knew about it already. how? i do not know.