December 23 2022 805am

I unearthed a jacket I was certain I’d donated to a Salvation Army or Goodwill. It’s still in good shape, some minor bloodstains notwithstanding. It’s a nuclear winter jacket, good for 50-below and survival in the upcoming bomb cyclone black hole time tunnel into which all earth’s creatures will be swallowed.

I want to see if my mighty Payphone Radio cards survive on their perch at the 35th Avenue Q66 bus stop. They have been there for months and I don’t even know why. They are not adhesive, just cards. It’s like someone is taking care of them for me.

I was laughing at myself for setting up the phat jacket. I’m horrible with zippers so getting the hood thing to stay attached was bother. All this for what will likely be no more than 10-15 minutes in the elements. Temps supposed to hit -10F windchill.  

What does it all mean?

I found the story of Mr. Santos intriguing. How far lies can get you. Lying works, and in much of life it  faces no scrutiny. But how do you get all the way to becoming an elected official when everything you say about yourself is a lie? Everybody lies on resumes but not like this guy. 

I got a fresh batch of panic pills last night. Every month it’s a test, it seems. The pharmacy delays by one day, then two, this time three days. I don’t use the full pills every day, so the 30-day supply goes more than far enough. But with these controlled substances you never know what kind of attitude a pharm is going to give you. I remember one dude at a now-closed RiteAid looking at me at great length as I stood aside, waiting for him to process the order. What was he looking for? Was he waiting for me to work the phones, letting my panic-pill-addicted customers know I had fresh pills coming soon?

I’ve never done anything like that, though I once considered giving a friend a single panic pill, just to satisfy his curiosity. It proved too risky, I think. The guy drinks and mixing those pills with excess booze could lead to a bad outcome, and I’d want no responsibility for anything like that. So I’ve never shared a single pill and do not know why I would.

I might take a little extra today, though. I usually take 1.5mg but today I might top it off with a full 2mg. That’s the most I’ve ever taken on a regular day. In the past I might need 4mg to settle down but that is when I was not taking the pills every day, and anxieties had ways of accumulating and climaxing. After those incidents, after popping at least 4mg of the stuff,  I would feel like I had been on fire. Nothing like that has come up lately , since I take a suite of pills regularly.

Trying to think of anything important I have to discuss. Oh, I’d been getting into discussions with OpenAI about masturbation. Its CW seems to be that there is no evil in it, none whatsoever. It choked on Onan wasting his seed but most readers do. The bot did recognize the stigma associated with masturbation but seems satisfied believing it’s all natural and all good.

I don’t wholly agree. It can be considered selfish and, in certain moments of intimacy, inappropriate. The latter depends on the insecurity level of parties involved.

I consider it wasteful, and can find no argument to change my mind about that. Waste defines masturbation. 

I showed off my poor man’s laptop to the woman at work yesterday. She feigned being impressed, but I did not really present it very well. She does not even own a computer. It’s nothing to do with that last bit, but I don’t think we have any kind of a future.