I started saving my receipts again, after a hiatus of I don’t know how many years. I’m not scanning them, not yet at least. But I stuff them into a plastic bag and, as the morning flourish ensues I think, when not thinking about sex or masturbation, of the words “This phase of my life.” I stuff the receipts away to document this phase of my life, whatever that ends up meaning. This is the phase of the Big Job, the first “job” job in 20 years, the job that might swallow me whole and at best shit me out partially digested.
Subways were a mess today and I was a few minutes late thanks to a marathon Morning Mas. It feels vigorous and rigorous and righteous and contritious. That was not a word but it is now.
Crazy clatterous dreams past days, of change and tumult. In one dream I was hired away to a glorious promotion, or increase, or whatever. A job is a job until you get what you actually want. But in this I was whisked upward so quickly that I did not have time and was not expected to have time to wear long pants or proper sartorial accoutrements for the occasion.
I woke at 6am with a brutal hardon, chastened only by some 2am vodka shots and a sense that I would never sleep well for the night. The hardon did not quit as I clumsily made my way through morning coffee and other ablutions, feeling like a horny boy dog chasing after a girl dog with a big fat boner slowing me down to a humiliating hobble. Memories of a schoolyard debacle. 8th grade.
A woman on the subway today kept dropping her candy bar onto the floor, picking it up, and resuming her consumption of the foodstuff. It seemed wrong. The footsteps she consumed. But she seemed determined.
I finally was able to upload a 24-hour video. I started to think it would never happen. Not just because YT does not allow 24-hour anymore, no one else comes close, except for archive.org, which for someone reason took 10+ hours to ingest the veritable masterpiece of 24 hours of webcam outside my window.
Live the glory: https://archive.org/details/astoria-queens-webcam-24-hours-jan-13-2023
Sounds like subways were a mess for others here as well. Less mess for me, it seems, but I’m here an hour early most days. Being here 45 minutes early is my version of being late. Someone across from me is 45 minutes late, which is a crime in this realm.