I took 3 days off for what I believe is the first time ever since starting this job in January, 2022. Felt like another life. As it should, I suppose. This is not a job one takes home with them, although I have done exactly that.

But what about the woman. The dominatrix. We get along well when not talking about sex. Two civilized adults exploring sex beyond the normies. It’s going to be a fun rest of 2023, I think. A lot of my mental constipation will be further expelled through sexual catharsis, in ways no psychotherapist could be expected to accomplish.

She does not know about my web sites, or much of anything else beyond our conversations. She does not need to know about this stuff, although I find her line of work to be interesting. She keeps busy. Works hard.

I wandered a good distance yesterday, mostly up Broadway in Brooklyn from the Broadway G train station up to Kosciuszko Street. Found one old payphone lurking in an old laundromat, which confirmed my hunch that the old-looking laundry place would still have its old, dead phone. Laundromats were choice places for payphones back in the day. Many still survive in form, not in function, while others have been replaced by ATMs. Some of the same people who owned the payphones replaced them with ATMs.

I spotted a dead bird on Clinton Street in Manhattan. Reported it to 311. Later reported a malfunctioning pedestrian crosswalk signal on Gerry St. and Broadway. Had to wait until later because it was too noisy at the location. I feel strongly about reporting any pedestrian signal malfunction because I am a walker, but also because I have seen too many people walk right into traffic on account of faulty or misplaced crosswalk signals.

Making these calls takes time. The 311 reps who take those type of calls have to use an ancient computer system which makes a single call take as long as 15 minutes. I wish there was an easier, quicker way but I do it anyway, because I do believe those signals should just work.

I ended up going past the defunct “Talk To Me” location again yesterday. Nothing to see there. Sounds like the phone will find new life at Stanton and Essex, or else at an upper west side location. Goal is to have working phones on all 5 boroughs.

What else did I do with these precious gifts of 3 days out of work? I made some payphone radio calls for the first time in a while. Have not put them together yet. It’s a more time-consuming project now since I do not add them to the Shoutcast stream, instead posting them as standalone audio/video pieces on YT and FB. The last series of calls will surprise some people, I think, with its details of why I want to be under the spell and instruction of a dominatrix. I have a lot to unload, to unpack, but therapy and analysis never seemed like a fruitful or meaningful choice of venue.

I wasted a lot of time on the therapists’ couches, coming away with very little. I remember an early shrink asking if I liked my job. I said I loved the job and she immediately went on the attack, asking what why and whatever about what made the job such a source of enthusiasm. She was, in fact, going for the lie. I exaggerated my love for the job as compensation for the fact that I honestly found it tiresome. We lie to ourselves to cover the inconvenient truths. That might have been the only meaningful takeaway I got from however many hours and hours of therapy.

A woman who is usually here, on this spot, is not present today. She has never said a word to anybody, as far as I can tell, except for her boss. It’s none of my business but I sometimes imagine that people who get to work 3 hours before their shift starts are trying to get away from something. I get here early for the quiet and this particular chair, which suits my butt perfectly. I’m not here to get away from anything. I just find this a good environment for writing these daily screeds and catching up on headlines.

I had a pretty bad panic attack on Tuesday, on a subway. Short of breath, jumpy, wanted off the train but it was stalled. No ventilation. When car finally moved I went to another car with better air flow. That worked, it seemed. I could tell people thought I was acting weird. Jumpy, for no obvious reason.