both of us are out of it today. she says i made loud noises in my sleep, and snored, which i didn’t think i did any more. i might snore when i sleep on my back, but i try never to do that. i guess i did that last night? bah, i like to thimk of myself as an amicable bedfellow, but the possibility that i am not is emough to remind me of the wisdom of having separate bedrooms available. we talk about moving in together, not in terms of definiteness but not in a desultory way, either. a three bedroom would be the way for us, with one room as my office and separate bedrooms for when one of snores or farts in bed. then, if there’s a baby, i’d get a real job, and cede the office to the little one. what the fuck am i talking about?
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i felt directionless and a little lost today. poor sleep, poor diet, too much sex for a 43 year old, and a surprisingly bad relationship with gin conspired to make this a wasted day. i wanted to walk, and walk and walk, but it took so long to get on my feet and out of doors.
i discovered an interesting fetish today. i had never heard of this, but evidently some men get off on watching videos of women smoking cigarettes. that’s all, just smoking a cigarette. i discovered this when i landed on a video of a woman standing in a phone booth (i was looking for phone booth things, as always). so there’s this woman standing in a phone booth, smoking a cigarette. and i’m watching it thinking, is she gonna do something? i spotted another video of a woman at a cemetery, standing in front of a mausoleum, smoking a cigarette. and that seemed to be all she was doing. i watched that for a few minutes, wondering what the hell she was going to do to merit this little production, but she did nothing else besides smoke that cigarette.
then i checked the comments on both these videos, where i got the sense that dudes really appreciated this stuff, loved watching girls smoke cigarettes, a fetish which at least made sense to me, since it involves oral suction, but which i’d never encountered.
the first thing i ever discovered when i got on the open Internet — the very first thing — was infantilism. adults who chose to wear diapers. some did it because it made them feel like infants, but others did it because they liked to be able to shit in their pants and wiggle their asscheeks on top of the turd. others just liked to be able to pee into a maximally absorbant garment.
later on in life i discovered the snot fetish, where some folks like to have others sneeze and blow their noses all over them. that’s fuckin’ nasty to me, but again, i can at least understand it, since it involves viscous bodily fluids.
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i just told A a story that i have not told too many people. in fact, i am not going to tell it now, now that i think about it.
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woman sitting alone at the bar. beware of the woman sitting alone at the bar. such a dame is next to me at this moment, reading from a book and laughing demonstrably, looking around, conspicuous, stroking her neck, looking for attention and grist for the mill.
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