Spent an inordinate length of time looking for a DIY windscreen for the mics I’ve been using for the field recorder. Finding my voice, I think. Just need to keep talking. Ran out of memory on the recorder, which was a surprise. I’d been looking at the wrong icon on the screen, I guess.
Going to hang out and bullshit with a friend tonight. I wasn’t allowed to do this for a few years and I still have to adjust my frame of reference to accept the normalcy of it all.
Hah, just heard on the radio what i thought Donald Trump say “When you think of me I want you to think of a HUGE NUMBER 2.” Ah, it was Jimmy Fallon doing an impression of Trump. Too bad, that actually sounds like something the real Trump would say.
While talking today i remember a girl named Lily, from grade school and high school. I can’t be certain without looking it up but I think her last name was Ziegler, or something with a Z. She was shamelessly hot for me, a signal I fleetingly regretted ignoring years later when she matured into a stunningly beautiful woman. As a teen I remember her as gawky and half-blossomed. She didn’t make me nervous but her advances were kind of intense.
What I remembered specifically today was when she asked me where i was going all the time. This would have been 8th Grade, I think, when I spent a lot of time at the school after hours. My mother worked until 5, I think, and I actually loved having the campus mostly to myself. There were people around so it was safe.
Lily asked “Where are you going all the time?” I didn’t know what she meant, though I guess i did. She said “You always look like you are going somewhere.” She was right. My brow was often furrowed and I would purposefully walk from the parking lot toward the classroom building, entering the hallway and then stopping. Once I entered the hallway nobody outside could see me, and that I had no reason to be walking there with such earnest purpose. I would just stand there, outside the 5th grade classroom, then after a few moments i would walk back to the parking lot, slower. I wanted to make it look like I had accomplished whatever I had in mind by marching to that spot, and now I could relax.
I don’t know if I am as obvious about this behavior any more but i think it has essentially not changed since I was young. I go on long walks in pursuit of things that are not there or which I have no reason to believe would ever amount to anything. There should be a name for that phenomenon. A mix of OCD, wasting time, and just trying to get through this life and get it over with.
