A Sunday spent mostly alone, wholey alone, puttering around decades-old emails and sorting the years. 1996 was interesting, at least based on the emails. Multiple correspondants, lots of women coming after me, most of them I forgot since we never met in person. That remains kind of a threshold for me. Rising up from behind the telephone or the keyboard and into the flesh.
Skimming through old email makes clear how things have changed. Correspondence for the sake of having someone to talk to and to be spoken to in return, that’s become rare. It’s considered suspicious now that everything from blogging to pornographizing has become professionalized. Sites like mine don’t pass muster. I’m condescended to, tolerated, mostly ignored.
The emails from my mother are charming. She knew nothing about computers or technology but got up to speed quickly. I remember introducing her to Usenet, its oceans of text she watched wave and scrawl across the screen, endlessly. It was like she’d never seen so much knowledge, although much of what she saw that day was probably garbage.
So many plans, so many dinners discussed after the fact that I have no memory of today. Did I really attend and play piano at a soiree in Brooklyn? If I did why has it been blotted out of my conscious mind?
I used to get a lot of email from people looking for help finding lost friends, lost relatives, runaway children. The payphone site used to attract that kind of thing. At times it still does but so many people finder sites, filled with garbage misinformation, have taken over the reins of that fascination.
Today’s commute was uneventful. I caught up on a project I guess I helped inspire. Someone set up a rogue payphone in Philadelphia, a long-time project finally come to fruition.
I am tired today. I was tired and sore yesterday. Pills have me feeling adequate but I am shopping around for sex again. I want to revisit CNC, degradation, light bondage, humiliation, and hard hard fucking. I am out of shape for the last part but mentally and intellectually I am in a place where words alone will make my head explode.