I was sore yesterday in places I had no reason to be sore. I think it’s the contortional-esque positions I assume in the shower now. Especially the night showers, when the vokda could have me feeling more limber than I really am. Or maybe it’s the furioso masturbation regimen of late.

I might be connecting with an Asian sub. She seems to have an active intellect, and she can even spell “Liszt”. Wow. She looks like a lot of fun.

I’m also being pursued by just about the last woman on earth I ever wanted to hear from again. I connected with her by mistake, thinking I had found the PG-rated online presence of a pornographer acquaintance. The resemblance was certainly uncanny but it hit me all at once that this was someone horrible. She seems unaware or unconcerned I feel this way.

I thought I had some prospects here at work but nothing materialized. Probably for the best. Workplace romances go nowhere good. They are allowed here but seemingly frowned upon. I now know of one such attempt that ended horribly confused.

Not sure I understand my position here anymore. I used to be kind of hermetic. Now I’m chatty with the CEO, working the room in other ways, and being introduced to the grownup parts of the gig. Who knew we had so many contingency bunkers around town for when we get nuked?

Yesterday was basically wasted. I’ve been waking up to memories of S. I happened across some email from her, when we were really into each other. It was May, 2005, when she told me she loved me. She meant it. I meant it. I wanted her so badly, and never regretted that long weekend of desperate consummation. I also never regretted leaving it behind after she got married the following week. For those months or maybe just weeks we were two people profoundly in love and fucking each other like the future of humanity depended on it. We knew it had to end, and it did. In the past I felt obligated to lie about that woman but I don’t do that anymore.

Thinking about her for other reasons, though. How she died with pills and vodka at bedside. I’ve been waking up with vodka bedside. The big bottle. No pills, though I did pop a BP pill the other night. I also keep the stripper’s pony tail holder on the table. I don’t even know why.