Things finally moving again at the workplace. I don’t like to blab on about work but I’ve become happy here. That’s not my normal disposition. I don’t talk about it much because no one wants to hear from you when you’re happy. It’s true. I am also happy to have taken an important dump this AM. THis was not simply procedural. This manifest a new day for generations of new lifeforms emerging from the earth’s core. Today they swim in oceans bigger than those on our earth’s surface. Soon, after feeding on my shit, they will rise from those oceans and deliver pronouncements of universal remonstrance that will guide the planet to a place of common love. I welcome the privilege of feedin gthese beasts but recognize the responsibilities that come with it.
Weather for Sunday looks perfect. Clear and sunny, highs near 90. I need to pick a destination for the day. I was wandering East Bronx on Cyclomedia, remembering how I met up with an erotic short story writer who wanted to take me back to her place in Soundview. I missed the signals, though. I was at the time still a believer in going slow, in what I guess we’d still call courtship. That seems so long ago, another snapshot from a series of past lives in which I do not recognize the person who inhabited this body.
Commute was rough today. Driving rain and wind. I seem to have lost sync with the woman I used to see 2 or 3 times a week. Have not seen her in months. I found her interesting in ways she likely had no possible idea. My forensic research skills made it stupid simple to determine her identity, and from there her generally oversharing presence online made the bigger story fit the image of the person I see sitting across from me, her eyes blinking rapidly some days, barely moving at all on others. I never said a word. She’s too fragile, too delicate. I’m a fan from afar, from right across the subway car.
Rain roared through the night, but it only woke me toward 5:30, when I usually wake up anyway. I remember no dreams from last night. No flashes of nothingness from the chaos of the night. Before showering today I posted another video to YT but it’s not published yet. It’s all about my circumference walk around Baisley’s Pond, an experience the world needs right here, right now. I mistakenly refer to a swan as a goose. That is probably a common mistake. The swan turned its head, Exorcist style, to look at me.
With the new job position I might find myself not needing the anxiety meds so much. In fact, I’m almost certain of it. Maybe even the BP meds could go away. I don’t like thinking of myself as a pill-popper but it’s gotten to that point, it seems. Who even cares?