Sartorially I feel a little different than usual. Brand new shirt. Have not had one of those in over a year. Short sleeves with no pocket. Not tuckable. Casual but classy. I think I’d been wearing the same pants for a month. Was not problematic, really. I don’t do anything exertional. I don’t get dirty, at the office at least.

Subways were slow today but I could have afforded to leave 4 or 5 minutes earlier than I did.

This is my last day training for one of two new roles here. Next week I start training on something else. I’m not sure which I would prefer or if it matters.

I don’t really have anything to say, do I? My day starts at 5:30 am, often with a brick hardon. I have an alarm set to go off at 6 am, which is when I used to ake up. Getting up before 6 am gives me a chance to disable the alarm for the day. This always feels like a little victory to get my day going. If I beat the 6am alarm I win. When I sleep straight through to 6 am and wake to the sound of that annoying alarm I feel the day has started with a loss. I watch pornography while brushing my teeth and making coffee. I sit down in the shower and consume anxiety and blood pressure meds, the coffee, and I masturbate to the porn before turning the shower on me. Wash it all away. I also pee in the shower, if need be. I read someone warning the world not to do that because it will make you susceptible to a condition where you have to pee any time you are near running water. I am skeptical of that but I have known people who say they have that condition, where being near a small waterfall and hearing the sound of the tinkling water makes them need to pee. I do not shit in the shower but since a few years ago I blast water up my asshole to rid it of whatever little chunks of whatever end up there. I read about this online somewhere, in a discussion about bidets. Many people took what I felt was a perfectly logical alternative of daily blasting the muck out of their butthole. I can say, honestly, that it changed my life. Sitting felt different in ways I’d probably rather not explore in too much detail. It is highly recommended, though, if you don’t do it now. It takes 10-15 seconds. I honestly hated it at first, the blunt sensation of that particular body part suddenly getting attention, and the awkwardness. But I ignore that now. It is simply part of the ritual.

I guess everyone will be at the beach this weekend. Summer is ending but I want to make a try for exploring some of the Staten Island Greenbelt. It looks massive but if I plan ahead (I almost never do) it could be manageable. Getting there would be 2 subways, the ferry, the SIR ( wish they called it the “STIR”), and probably another bus. The ferry makes me seasick now, unlike earlier times.

I don’t know if I will make it there tomorrow. Weather looks perfect, though. But tomorrow, with the holiday weekend, would probably mean bigger crowds than usual. So I don’t know. Decisions decisions. What does a free person do with his free times?

A lot of people who work here are from Staten Island. The proximity to the ferry would help explain some of that. It’s an easy commute to Lower Manhattan. I am thinking of moving. I liked the feeling of Forest Hills last week. But Staten Island is actually interesting to me as well. I want to live in an enormous building with hundreds of units. Forest Hills has those, I suppose Staten Island does as well. I first felt an attraction to very large buildings when visiting Coop City that one time. I may have been there twice.