Working Thanksgiving Day, same as I did last year. Works for me. I’m no fan of holidays.

Weird dreams last night. I was in a receiving area adjacent to the Trump Tower. Many of us worked there and knew the grounds but many visitors passed through, asking directions. One individual, sharply dressed both sartorially and illustratively, for he was an illustration from the pages of a 1950s women’s magazine. He needed directions, and seemed kindly at first. But then he touched my face. I said don’t touch my face, it’s very sensitive. He said “OK, then I will call you Alice.” He then proceeded to ask his question but I said hey, why don’t you ask someone else. I left him there, entered another room with mirrors where I saw shy my face was feeling so sensitive. There were heart-shaped pimples growing in colns of three on each side of my face. I had knocked off the left cheek hearts and, when seeing them in my hand, felt I must have either been hallucinating or else there was a party going on where people were subconsciously having hearts applied upon their faces. But then I saw drool and pus on my face. Yellow mucous. I asked why no one was pointing this out to me or even seeming to notice it. The three hearts remaining on my right cheek were swiped off , leaving my face looking normal again, when the sharp-dressed man returned to my side, upset that I had rebuffed him for touching my face and calling me Alice. He was on the verge of tears and I expected a physical altercation. No punches were thrown and the man left, defeated, hopefully getting an answer to his question from someone else. At this another well-dressed individual looking like a comic book character in a buttoned-up 3- or 4-piece suit entered the room, beating his head against a couch for several seconds while people recorded his actions on their phones. I started doing this but decided not to. He stood on his head then sat down on the couch, obviously having a seizure of some sort I attempted to call 911 but he ran from the room, leaving no identifying information. With that departure things returned to normal. I found a gold table leg that had somehow been displaced from the Trump Tower. On it was a printed menu of food being served wherever this table leg had been displaced from, with handwritten notes about what other platters were also available. Why the menu would have been written on the table legs is a mystery, but I suspected it was someone’s crib notes? I don’t know what that means. Who consults crib notes at a location such as that? At some point another individual entered the room someone akin to the seizure man and maybe him in fact, but I don’t know. I woke up pushing this “perso”n away from entering my bed. It felt very real, as if arms were reaching out for me and the hands grabbing my arms. Unsettling enough that I lay awake for I don’t know how long. It was about 2:08am, far earlier than my usual wakeup time, but I had turned in quite a bit earlier than usual. So I had time for a mid-sleep catharsis. I masturabated to the voice of an online porn performer, not watching her at all, just letting the voice stimulate my mind and body. After I came I watched her chatting with other viewers. She showed off a very large, 5-pound dildo that she said was the biggest thing she had ever stuck up her ass. She was a shemale. I did not realize that at first. I would later find another performer who was also sliding a very large dildo up her ass, to astonished comments of “It’s like there’s no size limit!” I returned to sleep but it was restless, heartpounding. Followup dreams are lost to me now but I was happy to wake up, safe from the chaos of unconsciousness.

I just popped an extra bit of the panic pill. It is likely going to be very quiet here on the holiday day. That kind of quiet makes me crazy. I took an extra day off last week after a panic attack on Nassau Street. It started before I left the office but I was walking into walls and holding myself steady on railings and whatever I could find to hold onto. A copy of what happened any number of times already. I would think this should have stopped by now but nothing doing.