Not going to be a fun day. Feeling fibers of my flesh. Slept poorly but with ambitions to the contrary. I think I’ve become adept at relaxing the muscles in my face. That was harder to accomplish thanI expected but I think I honed the skill. From there it’s easy to relax the appendages. I don’t think I ever had trouble with that. But with the face muscles relaxed and I can go straight to imagining I am in a plac which, in reality, I would not want to be, but in the fantasy transport it makes sense. Imagine being on the same bed I am really on but safely floating on a lake or large body of water. That sounds unsafe to me but the calmness of the water, as I imagine it, has been getting me to sleep quickly, which has never been a quality of sleep for me. I think a bout my body in this fantasy, sprawled in positions that look crazy or sprawled. Others sleeping next to me are typically serene, hands folded, just sleepin’. Whereas I’m thrashing and sometimes howling all through the night. Sleep is rarely peaceful for me but it’s been ambitiously in pursuit of that quality.

Still, I feel lousy today. I’ll drug myself up even more than at present.

I was in Bushwick yesterday. Colorful area. Groups of people sitting on sidewalks, drinking beer and throwing the empty cans onto the street. Someone told me I had a “nice outfit!” The premiere sex clubs of the day are in Bushwick. I should go. I should attend a sex party just for the purpose of having a constinuous supply of cocksucking. I might like that experience for about a half a minute but I’d quickly get disgusted. THe name Riley Reid somehow crossed my radar yesterday, and she turned up in one of my dreams last night. She was pursuing me. I struggle to remember what she looks like and her presence in the dream was amorphous. I have actually dated pornographers, albeit briefly, which is certainly the best for my sanity. I encountered an interesting seeming pornographer last week. Clasically trained musician. But after a few moments visiting her world I said no. Not that my verdict resonated beyond my own conclusions. No one else was affected or hurt.

I don’t even know why I was in Bushwick yesterday. Looking for some wicked bush. Looking for something. I did have an agenda but it’s not worth describing.

Spent time with an old friend last night. He’s going under the knife next week. Not fun but necessary. Had a surprisingly intellectual conversation about the subtleties of language and linguistics, all while I made eyes toward the pretty woman I’ve been flirty with for about 2 years now. Not sure if she is trouble, or if I am.