Feeling normal again, whatever normal even means. Now it means not running a temperature, not feeling a soreness in my throat that makes swallowing any food a painful challenge, not gagging when I brush my tongue (I now know that’s a symptom or side effect of a bad throat condition), not feeling dead inside and unmasturbatable. I feel fine for the first time since one week ago. I do not get sick often so this experience has been kind of a big deal for me. O, woe.
At work early on a Friday. Friday remains a work-at-home day for a lot of people so subways are far from full and travel time is less than on a normal weekday. If offered work-at-home days I would refuse. 20 years of working at home was enough for me. I also don’t think this job lends itself to being offsite.
I quiet quit this job some months ago. I have no qualms about it, and why would I? Everyone here does it. The bare minimum, if not pushing the envelope toward doing even less than that. I do good work here but the front-facing voice of this place is not uniform. Bad mistakes get through and it makes everyone, myself included, look like idiots. No unified purpose or message, and no reason to excel.
And the money sucks. With no reason to believe that will change I cannot commit to a job that puts me well below the New York City poverty line.
I look forward to the weekend. I will rejoin the woman who has returned to my life after many years. We have good times, though me last parted when my sickness was overpowering me. She interpreted it as leaving her, and nothing else. Our outlooks on this relationship probably differ markedly, but we’re not even at a point of having that conversation.
