Feels like I have something to say but, as often, there is in fact nothing there. Void. Emptiness fills my sanity and my soul. A whirring hum of zeroes and nulls.
I wore long sleeves today. Long sleeved shirt. It seemed important but I know it means nothing. Everything means nothing. All is null. I report to this job for another day of self-important impotence. My role here is that of a feral void, a gnashing, thumping irritant with nothing to say and no voice with which to say it.
Walking to the subway I sometimes look out for Career Woman. I see her walking the opposite direction as me, her shoulderpad shirt and heavy dress, the gritted look on her face that she is building a life for herself one 8 or 9 hour day at a time. This is what there is to life. Work, emptiness, null, a hopeless series of feral voids. I am sure she is a happy person but as she embarks on these days I see the look of futility and disdain. Perhaps that’s the look I send out, or the look I feel and which I thus project onto others.
There was one day I had to go a different direction, and I ended up following this woman for a couple of blocks. I thought I might get a clue about where she works but I did not. She got to Broadway and just kept walking. I don’t even care what she does, it was just an idle curio to punctuate the incomplete sentiments she seemed to toss my way.
There is almost always someone looking for trouble on the subway, or else outright causing it. Entitled younger people bring unleashed or lightly leashed dogs onto the train, leetting the tiny animal stand among giants that may trip over or unintentionally kick the poor creature. People do the same with infants, dropping their stroller into a crowd of giants as if nothing bad could ever happen.
These are not even the real troublemakers. They are the symptoms that increase into jabberwock.
