That’s what I will call it. There will be custom-made forms for each individuation. Language will be brutal, but honest and transparent in its intentions. The CoHB is here to improve you as a member of society, to address and undress the self-defeating tendencies turned to habit. These seemingly insignificant motoric and intellectual tics will, once eliminated, improve not only upon you but upon all beings and objects you encounter.

I thought of a funny one today. I crossed a street and unintentionally brushed up against a government vehicle. This would, according to the CoHB, be strictly outlawed and punishable by no less than your face being flushed up a metaphorical toilet to the sky.

Instead of said punishment the CoHB would instead recommend a specific line of sunglasses which, through patented technologies earlier generations would have considered miraculous, gently ping your brain with warnings that you are approaching an untouchable government vehicle or employee.

The pings on your brain would subconsciously guide you away from the object or individual, all while rendering the object or individual entirely invisible. You would not even know you were nearing its presence since the space it occupied would look empty. 

Or something lik this. I remember when I was kicked off the grounds of the Long Island City Citi Building (today called something else… Alisa? Alpaca?). I was told photography of the building was strictly prohibited, a claim which seemed like a bit of overreach on the corporation’s part given the singular prominence of that building on the otherwise barren skyline of that area. 

I initially endeavored to pursue the obvious adolescent response. I would take as many pictures of the LIC Citi building as possible from as many different vantage points I could find, not just to make a mockery of a ban on photography of such a hard-not-to-photograph structure but to also celebrate the buoyant and, I thought at the time, celever architecture of what was (again, at the time) the talles building in Queens.

I quickly ran out of gas on that project. The building became duller and duller the more I pursued it, and the idea of celebrating it became kind of moribund.

Instead I nursed the idea of developing a line of glasses called CitiView. When wearing these glasses as intended they would, through some kind of kaleidoscpe-like technology, magically make the Citi building disappear. I’m sure this is possible, given then building’s uniform color scheme.

The Commission on Human Behavior. Where I, and only I, identify random individuals, learn their habits, follow them around for very brief periods of time, identify their behavioral transgressions or shortcomings, and write up a lengthy account of how they might improve themselves and all those they encounter.