I don’t know anymore. This job. I’d promised myself I would never write my own stuff on company time but here I am, taking advantage of the next couple of hours in which nothing appears to be scheduled or waiting to happen. But what to talk about? Reality? Life? I am presently talking up someone on a dating app who seems sane and nice. Not offended by my sometimes off-target vocabulary. She has not given up much about herself, though.
I had a conversation with a woman on Wednesday about having been a classical pianist. She asked why I quit performing. I told her the truth: Because I hated it. She seemed surprised, and even a bit offended when I went on to describe the role of a classical pianist as that of a mere entertainer. She recoiled at that description, I think by saying it was a “higher calling” than that of a mere entertainer. I responded that jugglers and clowns who do amazing physical tricks are in the same league. I stand by it.
My right foot seems to be feeling better, I say begrudgingly. I don’t think it has been properly diagnosed, and I think antibiotics would be the proper remedy. Instead I was told to purchase WIDE shoes and wear an insole thingy for support. It took longer than expected for the shoes to break in, and for the first week they only seemed to make things worse. I have an arthritic toe and a bunion that occasionally produces extreme pain.
Getting baci to the games thing from a previous posting, I find myself in a sort of dead end conundrum. I play a game up to a certain point, start to get bored with it, but I’ve gotten far enough along that if I only waste 10 more hours I will get a $5 payout. So do I lament the already accumulate wasting of time or embrace the future of wasting yet more time for the sake of validating and justifying the time already wasted? TIme wasted is a conundrum for me. I was born to waste time.
Okay, I already feel the guilt of doing this, of writing my own stuff on company time. Even with absolutely nothing else to do at this moment I should not be doing this.