She looks different every day now. I don’t ever recognize her at first. Instead of her previously lively countenance and engaged seeming mind she is sleepy and crumpled beneath a hoodie and a different jacket every day. I mostly recognize her by her feet. She wears the same shoes every day but even that is strangely unrecognizable to me. She rises from her seat like she is crawling out of bed, exiting at 57th Street to parts that remain unknown to me. I get into predator mode sometimes and imagine using my day off tomorrow to act as if I am going to work but instead I track her from when she exits the train. But those moments of dark ambition instantly evaporate. There is not enough basis. There is no basis. I’ve done stuff like this in the past but only when there was an established and potentially meaningful connection. I felt OK about the motives but felt like I used the tools of the predatorr to get where I wanted. WHat am I even talking about?
When I say she looks increasingly unfailiar that’s a clapback to how familiar she had seemed to me at first sight. She looked relatable and active-minded. Not so much lately but that’s not a comment, just an observation.
Today I anticipate the appearance of the hopelessly beautiful black woman with whom I shared a laugh a few weeks ago. Since then she has only appeared at the office two times, and I’ve been unable to get her attentions, which suggests she has no memory of our funny encounter of yore.
Is the pursuit of women all I ever think about? No. Of course not. There are pear stems. I discretely and ssecretly place them throughout this office space, in nooks and crannies, or crooks and nannies. They are plainly visible to the initiated and informed, which would represent exactly one person among us. I see them stuck in little wedges on the walls, along the corners of window frames where they blend in almost seemlessly. I deducce from srteaky patterns on the walls that the place is deep-cleaned on some sort of schedule. Some pear stems do not survive this but most do. The newest pear stem placement is on the 14th floor but most are on 15. When I irst started here I stuffed them into corners of the desks at which I sat. Today it would be strange for to be seen poking around those desks to see if the pear stems remain in place. My present desk does not accommodate a pear stem placement.