Don’t know why but some days I feel fidgety and restless for part of the AM. I think it’s when I take 2mg of Lorazepam instead of the usual 1mg. Too much of it reacts badly, or weirdly. I overheard a woman at the doctor’s office say she waspopping 5mg a day, and she looked/sounded addicted.

There is nothing happening here today. I expected this, and assume it contributes to the twitch in my disposition. I rarely write my own stuff while on this job but today I’m just too restless. Feeling waste, the waste of my days. If I was not here wasting this day I would find some other way to do that. I can’t really do my own work here but I have managed to fill in my map of payphone carcasses and remains, which had the satisfying result of reveling a couple of new-to-me payphone carcasses, including one in East New York which I went out to on Wednesday. I also wanted to revisit the Howard Beach/AirTrain station GTel phones but the cops standing in front of them were enough of a deterrent. I don’t think it’s illegal to record phones in these places but cops can just make stuff up if they feel like it. I do know a filmmaker friend was was kicked out of the Port Authority for filming the payphones that used to be there, and I was once asked to leave a food cart for taking pictures of the phones there. But those are not subway stations, where I’ve never really had any trouble. Howard Beach is a long way to go for something like that but it actually seemed like a much quicker trip than expected.

And wandering through random locations on SV and RV has produced some meaningful connections. It’s why I made it out to Staten Island a couple of weeks ago. I like Staten Island but there’s that pesky matter of getting there. Even by car it’s over an hour just to get there, which is about the same as the subway/ferry/sir connection.

I feel less twitchy for writing these perfunctory, self-serving words. At this job I am not comfortable writing anything personal on the company network. This differs from previous jobs, where techie oversight of workers’ personal output was not expected to be done. I remember when someone logged on to my PC moments after I made a harmless edit to a Wikipedia page. Whoever they were stayed connected to the PC for the rest of the day until I shut down and got a warning that this other person might lose their work if I shut down on them. I shut down anyway, thinking this person must have got what they came for.

I have a break momentarily. I will try once again to get the attention of the bafflingly beautiful black woman with whom I shared a laugh some months ago but she seems impossible to get through to. Not socially or mentally but physically. I have no idea who she is, her name, or anything.