Certain time of the day, when there is nothing going on, my innards get agitated, jumpy. Can’t sit still. Want to masturbate, and sometimes I do, though not at the desk, of course. Reading a lot of mininformation about the history of NYC phone booths. COnsidering revisiting my narrative history of phone booths in this city, but information is scattershot and some of it makes sense, others do not.

Just need to expel some anxiety. Say something. Do something meaningful that will one day vanish into the byte bucket. I rarely do this, write personal screeds on office time. I do that on break time or before the day starts. But here I am, going against my policies.

I do believe my sanity will one day spill out of this cranial inconvenience and scamper free into the atomic spaces between people’s ears and eyes. It will tickle, then torture, and mysterious deaths of unknown cause will strike contagiously and quickly.

I was near Bellevue a couple of days ago, walking a portion of my planned walk over the perimeter of Manhattan. It sturns out that won’t be quite possible because of a detour down by East River Park. That had not crossed my radar and I only know of it from researching this path for any interruptions. It should be possible, even as some of the paths feel a little improvised, like going through an apartment building’s driveway or feeling like you’re passing through some mechanic’s garage. But the journey will not be as fully coastal as I imagined. Until 2026 a big chunk of the path is closed to the public. It’s fine. I’ll improvise. But I’m glad I found this early and not while making the journey. Backtracking on these kind of journeys can be very annoying.

Oops, it seems I have something to do.

…

Aha, turns out what I thought I had to do was nothing. It was to be a performance review but we never do those for me because I basically never make any mistakes. It’s an easy job in most ways but it still causes major anxiety in me.  Boredom is a key ingredient to an anxiety fit. Lack of challenge, too, is what some philosopher described as Hell itself. A dead end job that offers no real challenges. This seems like that, at least at certain times.

I’m going back to playing video games.