It is worse for wear, with stains to explain and other stories to tell. But The Chair, the mythical, coveted, ultimately consummated Mission-style recliner chair that was my first significant purchase in New York, is now back in...

Was a panicking again? Or no? Did I just imagine it, manufavture it, summon it from the contrives of unspoken inarticulata? I find it hard to balance evaluations of how things are feeling inside my head. I am mostly deaf and...

Getting up at 4am still has me feeling jetlagged in a way. The new schedule give me 3 days off in a row. I spend much of those days walking, like my olden days of yore. I looked forward to the walk. “Today I Walk”...

This is starting to feel like starting over, again. Taking this job in January, 2022, was a kind of starting over. I had been working, of course, for the previous 22 years. But this was my first job job where I had to be at an...

I had a sinus infection for maybe 10 days. It is gone but the lingering side-effect of clogged hearing endures. I feel nearly deaf. This will pass I just have to get it taken care of since i cannot seem to deal with it myself. I...

Sleep last night evoked memories of a train ride from Tampa to NYC, early 1990s. I saw next to an overweight woman who referred to herself as “fat,” which at the time I did not take as a queue for me to use that...

Yesterday sent me out to Queens Village and FLoral Park via Jamaica. I could have crafted a more efficient route but the Q110 connected to the Q36 and amazingly, a return Q36 bus appeared magically at the very moment I needed...

Photo by Joe Gioia. Maybe this was 1994. In front of 9 West 57th Street.

When the alarm wakes me up, I wake up angry. The alarm going off at 4:30am is the last chance, the last gasp at being on time. Waking up on time means beating the alarm by a half hour or more. Of course for me being on time...

That big plan failed through. I had the old batch of pear steams ready to go. I can still see them sitting atop the microwave. They had been scattered on my bedroom floor, having fallen from this shirt pocket whilst in the...

This new 4-day schedule includes both weekend days, when subways are a mess and I have to improvise every trip. Today worked out well enough but knowing that the 5 train has the option to not go past Grand Central downtown is an...

I have upped the ante with my pear stems. Most are in dark, obscure corners where people are unlikely to pay the kind of attention one might to searching for blemishes or imperfections in the bland design of this workspace. But...

She sent yoga pictures today, with her tongue sticking out. She says she likes gentle sex but dirty talk. I almost sent her an artistically-intentioned photo of me in the bath with the right hand holding the phone so it covers...

That is what I did yesterday. I was in many places. Brooklyn Heights, Little Italy, Chinatown, Midtown, other places. Other climes. It was cold but not too windy. Next week I will walk even more. 18k is likely not a record for...

I am back in my easy chair. In my cheesy air. It is too comfortable here to do real work so I write instead. As if writing is easy. Sometimes it is, other times not. I don’t know anymore. There is a woman I’ve seen...

I guess you can credit it to being a holiday? I don’t know but the MTA app lied. I was promised a 4 train at I don’t remember what time. THe MTA app said the train was scheduled, approaching, arriving. It was a ghost...

Three years (yikes) at this job and I finally get a change of schedule that could possibly bring some sanity and balance to my so-called work/life balance. Until now my days off have been Wednesday and Sunday. Squeezing doctor...

That answer is easy. No. I interpreted our encounter as a flirtation, but an obligitory, professional flourish of feminine wiles against gawky male confuzzlement. We were the same age, and still are, but she seemed to have a...

It’s a trivia question that flummoxes many: What was the first year of the 20th century? On an episode of “Jeopardy” every single contestant guessed “1900.” THe correct answer is “1901.”...

In a too-comfortable chair. Using PC from living room chair on the big TV. Trying to restream the live cam and payphone radio as now streaming on YT but this chair makes things too cozy, too contrary to doing anything that could...

Pretty woman sitting nearby. She does not acknowledge or seem to realize my existence is real. I was able to say hello to her one time but that’s been it. She seems unfriendly.  There was one very sweet-seeming woman...

Didn’t want to make it here today. Made it anyway. Tired but restless. Cock is hard. Had to take express train. Cock was hard the whole time. Awkward but I covered it completely upon very luckily getting a seat. I think...

https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxCla1MCYqkkOA2XsLlF3fxCmf_J9cfrp8?si=xOrSWmnPcsW8AEV3

I think my love affair with the one-train seat-guaranteed commute is ending. Critical concern for all, I know. I thought it would be a point of bonding between me and the person who encouraged me to make the change. We would...

Need another release besides the bulky  leather notebook I occasionally jot not notes into. This might be it. I don’t know. Return to my early days in NYC, corporate, working but taking time to document my amazing life by...

Yeah, right. I mean it’s nice to get something done once in a while but it’s not the stuff of dreams. I finally got the live webcam stream onto Youtube with the Payphone Radio playing 24/7. I now have the ability to...

Subway announcements today were painfully loud. Someone needed to inform the conductor that his voice was grating into the skulls and psyches of a generation lost in transit. I walked a lot yesterday. I had to call out sick from...

I don’t know how she did it. She found where the softness is most vulnerable to attack. She says it was a mistake. If it happens again I will leave her, as I did before. I see her on television, or in the papers. Last time...

I had no signal moment. No alarum-bells. Just another day of grogginess and disconnect, and some innardal symptoms familiar but not felt recently. Something bout the cold made it feel like things had changed, or should change....

Childhood grievences resurfaced. Little languages failed themselves. Finger strokes to follow the words felt nothing. What evidence will be left? Card stuffed in an ATM will lead to Draculizing spiritless casions. DOn’t...

New year, new server. I don’t know if this will work. I’m lost on getting email to function. I can send but not receive. All MX records are correct and always have been. I don’t know. I should write more. So...

I’d been silent on the matter. But for weeks I watched television on a small, soundless, 14″ black and white set that had, without explanation, replaced my big 72″ HD/3D screen. No words. No reason. I felt I...

Yesterday was one for the  amateurs. I felt like death warmed over, and thought I was having a heart attack. Maybe I was. But in the end I decide it was just a stupid fucking hangover, the likes of which has not struck me in...

Don’t know why I got here at 7am today. The workplace. I discovered that iKraveit, the local stalwart bodega, is not open 24/7. I was there at 6am and they were closed. I’ve never seen them closed since they opened....

Lately I rise at 4am and I know not why. I should be more tired. I don’t understand my body. My innards squirm and quiver. I woke screaming from a dream, felt so real, an angry person seeking vengeance upon me for no...

I always have plans, ambitions, goals to apply for other jobs or simply quit the job I’m at now. Just walk away with nothing lined up. But I’d be penniless. I’m coming up on 3 years at this job and I have less...

I might do more of this today. Typing. Writing into a space unrelated to the job I am being paid to do. I almost never do that. I do it here, in the pre-work hours. People here do not like me. I don’t have a problem with...

Something I’d not spotted, or simply not noticed before, is the people running full tilt down the passageway connecting Fulton Station to the Oculus. The path looks pretty perilous, being at what I’m guessing is a...

The Shit Splift schedule truly makes a healthy work-life balance difficult. Sleeps hygiene becomes a distant chagrin. I alsmot always come in on Thursdays feeling like death warmed over, largely on account of having slept in the...

Today was close to bliss, commutably so. The assumption that I will always get a seat in the morning has proven questionable,  but I was able to find a corner spot today. I would expect to always be able to score something...

Caused my commute to terminate at Canal Street when I was already running late (by my sstandards being less than an hour early is late). It should not have such an effect on me but I am shaking and took another 1mg of the panic...

My near-fantasy of having a blissful commute is shattered. My personal elevator (as I chosse to imagine it) is out of order and taped up with crime-scene looking adhesive strips. Maybe it will be fixed soon or maybe it will be...

I’ve come to realize that I enter this office every day assuming that everyone here hates me. I don’t think that’s really true. But this is such a compartmentalized organization. Each individual is like a...

I am unsure what happened this morning. It felt out of my control, unstoppable. I masturbated once and shot a monster load but something compelled me, minutes later, to go at it again. The first shot was in the bed, the next...

And finally it feels like October is supposed to feel. Colder, with the sadness of the changing season having passed through me already before last week’s heat streak. I uncovered an old notebook I got a long time ago. It...

Yesterday is probably the first time I ever let this happen. I’m not sure. It’s not something for the record books or historical epochry. But I believe I neglected to rinse the shampoo/conditioner out of my hair upon...

I was comparing my mental state thesse days compared to just over a year ago. Actually it’s been a year and 3 months since I switched departments. That span of time has not been without its incidents but I have no doubt...

I feel trapped in this job. No desire to do it anymore. Going through the motions feels futile. I am empty inside, everything in me has drained away. I see sweat and grime under my fingernails and swear I’m bleeding,...

In fact it went perfectly. The new Saturday commute has me connecting from the N to the R on the same platform, with only a 3-4 minute wait for the R and no stairs to climb up or down. The R was more crowded than anticipated but...

It can’t be any real mystery. Diet is everything. Today I feel limber and lithe. I don’t hate being here. I don’t hate being alive. I don’t feel like a burden on those around me. Yesterday was another...

I felt like I was building a secret museum yesterday. A collection of content so secret that no one will ever see it. It’s not scandalous, at least not by my reckoning. But it is what I envisioned when I started...

Dreamed I was tasked with sorting out a bag of apples left behind by a girlfriend 8 years ago. The apples were mostly rotten but the grannysmiths held their skin together. One apple was crawling with some kind of worm or maggot....

Again, it’s like I found a secret passageway. The W from Astoria to Cortlandt is my new path to work, non-stop, seats always available, but only on weekdays. The route ends at Whitehall, which I think is only one or two...

I think it’s been about a month since it ended. I did not keep her toothbrush hanging from the bathroom holster this long for any reason except oversight. I removed her bath towel from the inventory and sent it to laundry...

I am back to activasting my always-on recording devices that document the view outside the living room window, the activities occurring in my living room, me sleeping in the bedtoom, and my time spent in the shower. THe only...

It’s taken a while but I think I’ll settle on new routes to and from work. They take a little longer but I think it will be worth not having to make 1 or even 2 transfers. Today’s AM trek felt like I was in...

I think 4 days straight is the most I’ve taken off from this job. I may have done 5 days but I’m not sure. I’ve never really taken a vacation the way others do. I am quite sore today and not feeling...

Women are done with me?

Interesting article about Sexsomnia, a word I’ve never heard but the conditions assigned to its meaning are known to me. I knew a woman who talked often about a man she was with who fucked her while she was sleeping, and...

This cycle of life continues.

Someone at the workplace singled me out this week for the fact that he sees me walk and walk the walk around the office every day. He sees me getting my steps in and he commended me for it. I don’t know who he is or from...

I saw two items yesterday which, in a not-so-distant previous life, would have made my eyes and mouth water. One was a folder containg hundreds, possibly 1,000 35mm slides. They were Kodachrome but not the red frame. In fact,...

I blocked her number. I don’t think I’ve ever done that except for spam callers. But I don’t want to waste her time any more than I want her to waste mine. Thinking now about the shots across the bow. The...

The current batch of well-intentioned subway litanies discouraging people from being suicidal clickbait by riding on top of subway cars reminds me, inevitably, of the Florida license plate campaign called “ARRIVE...

[P]ost, [L]ist, [1-4843] [Q]uit: 4840 Post: 4840 of 4843 Subject: this just happened to me about three minutes ago From: jag101a (Jack Headstrong) Date: Mon, 13 Jun 94 11:29:10 EDT Post: 4838 of 4839 -=/[...

It already is a shit day, starting with some epic nightmares that kept me solidly scared asleep, araid to wake up to this nightmare that felt too real, right up until 5:30. I had been hired to work on some sort of production or...

It seemed like a strange encounter at first. An uncrowded subway train, one man standing by a door reading off his phone when another man, walking half the distance of the car, holds his phone up for the other man to see as he...

Back at the office after 4 days away. In the 2-3/4 years I’ve been here I am yet to take what would formally qualify as a vacation. Most consecutive days I got away were 5, but mostly I get 3 or 4 days here and there. I...

Woke up this morning feeling fine, but the Saturday commute left me rattled and even a little sore. I don’t want to take another does of the panic pill but I just might. Woke up for some reason reflecting on the woman who...

Early on a Friday reminds me that, while I would never express the sentiment out loud, I really do feel a certain resentment over the fact that certain people are allowed to work from home a couple of days a week while the...

With my new shoes I no longer make a squeaking, kissing sound every other stpe I take across a linoleum or non-carpeted floor. I am proud of my stature. I no longer sound like a poorie who has not enough money to buy new shoes...